The Art of Saying No

I have been a Christian for nine years and have been actively involved in church, and full-time vocational ministry since becoming a Christian. I have observed an epidemic among Christians and those in the church. This epidemic is suttel and at times disguises itself in the form of Godliness and self-less service but in reality is ungodly and is killing the church and burning out Christians. The epidemic I have observed over the years is the inability of Christians to say, "No". Christians for whatever reason have a hard time saying, "no". This is especially true for Christians in the South who do not want to offend. This epidemic among Christians being unable to say no is leading to a generation of church members who are over-committed, neglect family and burn-out, eventually, falling away from the church.

If you are someone who finds yourself always saying "yes" to requests to help out around the church and never "no" allow me to map out three effects of always saying yes and never no.

• If you continue to say "yes" and never "no" you will lose your joy for the Lord and your joy for ministry. Do you find yourself looking around and wondering why no-one else helps or shows up? Do you find yourself loudly sighing or complaining about having to go back to church to work? If so, may I politely, but firmly tell you that you are losing your joy. You are being overworked and maybe need to say no more often.
• If you continue to say "yes" and never "no" you will burn out. You can only take so much. Eventually your lack of joy will spill over onto others, people will not want to be around you, you will eventually snap, throw up your hands and walk away. We need seasons of rest because we can not do it all. If you continue to say yes and never no you will burn out.
• If you continue to say "yes" and never "no" you will eventually walk away from the church. On Monday nights at the church where I work we have a ministry which visits those who are members of our church who have not been for a while. The purpose of the ministry is to care for others and invite them back to church. I can not tell you the number of times I have sat down with a family to talk to them about why they are no longer attending and they inform me that they have burned out. I often hear them say that they need a break. Sunday is the only time they spend together as a family and don't want to get up early and come to church. If I delve into their past, I more often than not discover a family who was very involved in church but over-committed themselves and have since left the church.

Always saying yes and never no, leads to a loss of joy, burn out and could eventually lead to you walking from the church. If you have read this far in the post you must be following along with my logic and you may be asking, "OK. I understand their is a problem but how do I say no." Below is a list of helpful steps in helping you say no when someone comes and asks for help.

• Practice. Practice saying no. Go into the bathroom, shut the door and practice looking into the mirror and saying no. If you are married, ask your spouse to approach you and ask you to help out and practice saying no. Make sure she understands what you are attempting to do because she might smack you if not. 
• Have rightly ordered priorities. The Bible teaches us that our priorities should be God, family, and than ministry. When we get these priorities confused we say yes to activities which take us away from our time with God and our time with our families. 
• Understand that saying "no" to good things will free you up to say "yes" to the best things. For example, I was approached by several people in our church to referee Upwards Basketball and/or be a head coach for Upwards Basketball. Both of these responsibilities would have taken me away from my family multiple nights a week and I would have been committed to be at church every Saturday until March. This would take me away from spending time with Piper while she was young. I said no to a good thing (Upward) to say yes to the best thing (spending time with my family).
• Understand that when you say "no" to someone it is not personal. I fear that the majority of people are saying "yes" in church not because they want to do something but because they are afraid of offending someone if they say "no". May I very nicely tell you to stop worrying. Stop trying to do everything. Stop trying to carry everyone else's burdens because truth be told they aren't yours to carry. Stop telling yourself that you owe everything to everyone. Stop saying yes to every favor and responsibility.
• Saying no is biblical. In the New Testament there is a principle of the Sabbath or a principle of rest. You need to rest. You can't do everything. The Sabbath is God's gift to us. Stop saying "yes" to everything and say "no" to a few things to insure that you are able to enjoy a Sabbath rest.

Always saying yes and never no will lead to a loss of joy, burnout and possibly to walking away from the church. To avoid these scenarios I have charted several steps to implant to begin to say no more often. There is a principle which I use in my own life and ministry to help direct my life. This is a principle and should not be held legalistically.

The principal is that everyone should be involved  serving in two areas of ministry. Everyone should volunteer and serve in an area of ministry outside of the church and everyone should volunteer and serve in an area of ministry inside the church. Now some people because of their personality will be able to serve in three or four ministries but the majority of us are only able to serve in two. If you are a Sunday school teacher, don't also commit yourself to serving in choir, Upwards, visiting shut-ins, etc. Focus on one thing in the church and do that one thing to the best of your ability and to the glory of God. Also, don't ONLY serve in the church but also serve in your community. For example, you can volunteer in the local school, coach a local sports team, serve on the PTA, etc but don't volunteer at a local school, coach little league, volunteer at the fire department, attempt to do everything in the community and also serve in the local church. Focus on one thing in the community, do that one thing to the best of your ability and to the glory of God.

In conclusion, I have observed that Christians struggle to say no and are over-committed. This over-commitment is leading to a loss of joy, burn-out, and an exodus of members from the local church. Christians need to learn the art of saying no. Finally, Christians should cut back and be involved in two areas of ministry. One area of ministry inside the church and one area of ministry in the local community. When we always say yes and never no we lose our joy, burn out and leave the local church but when we learn the art of saying no, we discover a joyful life filled with self-less acts of service to our community and to the Lord through the local church.