Help, my wife is pregnant in Africa!

Help, my wife is pregnant in Africa! I was warned from fathers to be that if my wife ever became pregnant she would have weird, random food cravings which I would have to drive around town in order to satisfy. I always pictured my wife waking me up in the middle of the night to make a late night run to Burger King to order a Whopper, McDonalds to order a McRib sandwich, or Wal-Mart to pick up pickles and mayo. Unfortunately, nothing prepared me for having a pregnant wife in Africa.

Julia, like every pregnant woman will be overcome with hunger, she will look deep into my eyes and ask me to drive out to Hardees and pick  up a burger, fries, and a Cherry Coke. The ONLY problem with this scenario is the fact that we live in Nalerigu, Ghana and we are far removed from any fast food restaurants. When Julia has a food craving I run to our pantry and begin calling out options. We go through the options in our pantry multiple times. After calling out everything Julia looks at me and says but I really want a Hardees burger, fries and a Cheery Coke. Eventually, she will settle for pretzels or crackers (I know what a compromise). The other night I made Julia a pizza from scratch topped with pepperonis (very hard to find in Ghana). She took one glance at the pizza, smelled the pepperonis and couldn't eat it. She ate pretzels while I ate the pizza in the other room so that she couldn't smell it. Once I thought maybe our baby would like Ghanaian food so I drove to a local stand where they sell Buku (fermented corn mashed into a ball and topped with ground nut stew). I felt good about myself for thinking up a solution to our food problem; however, Julia took one look and smell of the food and nearly threw up. Last week I went to the city and was able to return with chocolate ice cream. Julia loves it! However, one day while she was at school I wanted something cold to eat, so I went into our freezer and made myself a bowl of ice cream. When Julia came home and saw the dirty bowl in the sink and realized I had eaten her ice cream she was mad, angry, livid, sad, happy, upset and at the point of tears all at the same time. I’m never touching the ice cream without her permission again.

I’m beginning to realize it’s going to be a long six months and I am going to need help because my wife is pregnant in Africa.