Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it?-Proverbs 22:6
Understanding this verse begins with understanding the kind of literature the proverbs are. The proverbs are not conditional promises; they are maxims or wise sayings. They describe, in a general sense, the way that God has made the world run. But there are plenty of examples from which it’s obvious that these maxims don’t hold true all the time. Proverbs 10:4 is just one example: “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich.” While it is generally true that hard work produces wealth, it’s not always the case. There are plenty of hard-working rice farmers in India who will never own a car and will wonder where their next meal is coming from. Another example is found in the proverb about the virtuous woman: “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her” (Prov. 31:28). How many virtuous women have been scorned by children and husband only to be welcomed and honored by the Lord? Thousands? Millions?
The proverbs are not conditional promises; they are wise maxims. When we fail to understand this form of literature and build our lives on them as a guarantee, we end up with a philosophy akin to that of Job’s comforters. They had a very simple formula for obtaining God’s blessing: Go and do the right thing. Conversely, they believed that if someone lacks God’s visible blessing, it must be because he is not doing what God wants him to do. They thought that faithful obedience always obligates God to respond in the way one desires. They were wrong (Job 42:7-8).
While it is true that God often graces wise parents with godly children, that is not always the case. God may use your parenting as means to draw your children to himself. But he may use other means and at a different time. Or he may use your child’s rebellion and disinterest as a way to accomplish his unexpected will. Nothing we can do pus a lock on God’s blessing us in the way we expect.
Why wouldn’t God give us a sure promise that if we parent well, our children will do well? Wouldn’t our parenting be more diligent if we thought we had the ability to save them? No, actually it wouldn’t. We wouldn’t work harder if we had that command and promise, because we don’t respond well to commands. True obedience doesn’t come from commands with promises. The nation of Israel and their response to Deuteronomy 28 and 29 ought to be enough proof of that.
God doesn’t promise our children’s salvation in response to our obedience, because he never encourages self-reliance. It would be against God’s character to give us a promise that our children will be saved if we raise them in a certain way. That would mean that he was telling us to trust in something other than Christ and his grace and mercy. He would be encouraging us to trust in ourselves, and God never does that. The way of the Lord is always a way of faith-faith in his goodness, mercy and love. Our faith is to be in him, not in ourselves.
Here’s our hope: before time began God the Father saw us, each individually and distinctly. He not only saw us; he “knew” us. This means that he was intimately acquainted with everything about us before we even existed. He chose us in him to have relationship with him. He chose us as his children. But he didn’t do this because of any good he saw in us. In fact, all of us have absolutely nothing to boast about. He chose us out of his sheer grace and because he loves loving the unlovely. Because of his great love he deserves to be fully honored by us. This means that we transfer our entire trust (and keep transferring it over and over again) to him. This is faith.
In the same way that you trust in him and not in yourself fo your salvation, you can trust in him for the salvation of your children. You can give yourself grace: he’s in control, he is loving, his plan is best. And you can give your children grace.
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