The problem seems to be what students are defining as “sex.” A growing trend among high school students is to have oral sex in place of intercourse since it’s “not really sex.” These teenagers are sadly mistaken and apparently ill informed scientifically, emotionally and biblically.
Micah (name changed) is an eighteen-year-old student who graduated from a public high school. In Micah’s school, oral sex was a disturbing problem. He guessed that about 70 percent of the sexual encounters among his peers were related to oral sex and 50 percent of the entire school. Many students blamed their lack of other activities for increasing sex lives. “There wasn’t a lot to do and not a lot to think about, so their outlet is sex if they don’t have another hobby.” Next to boredom, one of the biggest reason so many teenagers are involved in oral sex is because of the pressure to act like adults. Teachers and adults demand that students act like they’re twenty-three when they’re eighteen. “They’re always pushing us to grow up too fast, so this is a way they try to do it. Adults aren’t the only problem, though. TV shows constantly glorify immorality and making light of serious issues such as oral sex. Micah said honestly, “It seems so appealing right now. TV talks about it all the time. They preach protection, but that’s it. TV makes it real causal; it’s just something you do.” Apparently teenagers indulge in oral sex for the physical feelings rather than the emotions. Few students bother with the “love” concept anymore when dealing with sex. Oral sex is becoming a game. Guys make bets with themselves to see if they can “get any” from girls as personal goals to be reached. Girls play this as a mind game; to them it is more of a dominating factor. Girls like to dress skimpily to get boys’ attention and then tease them to make themselves feel sexy. For them, oral sex is more of a subject of self-image. Sex is no longer a guy issues, because girls seem to be instigating oral sex more than boys right now. Even then, girls rarely tell anybody. “Guys tell everyone, but girls keep quiet, because if they go around saying that they [have oral sex], then they’ll be called sluts.” Micah said. That seems to be the general consensus-if a guy has oral sex, then he’s a “regular guy,” but if a girl has oral sex then she is a whore.
As Christians, what are we to do? For starters, we should realize that not just unchurched kids have this problem. There is a slim difference between churched and unchurched kids having oral sex. They only difference is that church kids might be a little more aware of the consequences. They are more likely to think about the chances of getting pregnant, disease, or their parents finding out. “Friends with benefits” is becoming increasingly common.
Much of the answer lies in the home. Many girls who give themselves freely to guys have a common bond-a distant, complicated, or nonexistent relationship with their fathers. Healthy father/daughter relationships are essential. Another aspect of this begins at childhood. Children need to be raised knowing how to respect other people. Chivalry for the most part is dead. Rather than going out of their ways to protect girls purity, many guys will do anything to get what they want, even if the outcomes are devastating for the girls. Parents also need to take an active interest in their children’s lives.
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