I Hate Youth Ministry:

I’ve said it more than once, but it’s not what I mean. I don’t hate teenagers or ministering to them. I can’t speak for you, but here’s what I mean when I say I hate Youth Ministry.

I HATE BEING DISRESPECTED

It’s tough at every level of youth ministry; from volunteer to full-time and everywhere in-between. If you love kids, have a vision, and put your all into it, you will be disrespected. Sometimes by a disconnected staff member, sometimes by well meaning older saints, and sometimes by the very kids you are trying to minister to. Disrespect is not a Youth Ministry thing, it a life thing, It’s an age thing. It’s a perception thing. You know how you think flipping burgers would be so much better than what you are experiencing right now? Yeah, it would be no time at all before someone disrespected your burger flipping skills.

I HATE APATHY

When I say I hate youth ministry, I’m really saying, “I hate feeling like I am doing this all alone.” I hate that no one has my passion and love for these kids. Think of it this way, if they already had people that had your love and passion for kids, they wouldn’t need you. Never stop reaching out to adults who could help you. Risk the rejection and go bananas when someone says, “Yes, I’ll help.” Never stop praying to the Lord of the harvest that he would send workers into your harvest field.

I HATE CHURCH POLITICS

I hate anything that disrupts the flow of ministering to kids. If there’s something going on in the church that seems to be sucking the energy away from the Jesus stuff we should be doing it makes me cranky. It makes me feel sad for God’s church that we have to have power struggles and back biting going on. Then, I remember that these are people. They are no different than the household of David who slaughtered each other for power, money, and control. It happens everywhere. Deal with it through prayer and protect the kids as much as possible.

I HATE MY OWN INSECURITIES

I hate youth ministry when I doubt myself. When I think I am not good enough and not up to the task. Our insecurities are just a sign of our great need of God and His mercy. We cannot sow anything without him. When you’re feeling like you are not up to the task, it’s ok, you’re probably not, but God is. Lean on Him more than you ever have and let your insecurities be swallowed up in His grace.

I HATE THAT I AM NOT MORE SUCCESSFUL

This one is a thorn in the flesh for me. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how many show up to the youth meeting, or if you have this grand dream in your head that is not meeting a specific timeline. You are where you are right now. That is where you are supposed to be. Success is what you are right now, not what you are going to be. How do I know this? We had our college and career meeting the other night and one student show up. My wife and I told her she was not obligated to stay, but she stayed, talked, and watched TV, with a couple of “old people.” At that moment, because our home was a sanctuary and not a meeting place, we were successful.

 Do you hate youth ministry? No. Do you hate your job? Sometimes.

 As they say, it’s the journey that matters and I wouldn’t trade mine for yours for…well let’s not say a million dollars, because on some days I might just take it; but know this, the grass is not greener anywhere. Love who you are and what you do for as long as you can.

My Usual Speech:

CREW's latest activity was winding down and with a few minutes left until parents showed up to pick up their son or daughter or high schoolers hoped into their vehicles to drive off I gathered everyone's attention and said, "Thank you for coming. Our next event will be... I'm proud of each of you and I love you." After I finished speaking one student who will remain nameless looked up and said, "what did you say." I began to repeat myself when the student stopped me and said, "oh just your usual speech."

Just my usual speech.
Just my usual speech.
Just my usual speech.

I'm sure the student had no idea but he or she (let's keep this anonymous) paid me one of the biggest complements which could be paid. "Oh, just your usual speech."

My usual speech at the end of an event. "Thank you for coming. Our next event will be... I'm proud of each of you and I love you." Every section of this speech is important and something I want every student who is a part of CREW to know and meditate on.

Thank you for coming: There are about a hundred things for a student to do in my town. They have a lot of different obligations but the fact that he or she would take time to come out to an event at my house blows my mind. I do not take it for granted that students choose to come to CREW and they choose to participate in our activities. I am thankful that they've chosen to join us for each and every particular activity. Besides let's face it wouldn't the world be a lot better off if more people said thank you.

Our next event will be...: Our mission statement at CREW is to reach, teach and release 7th-12th grade students. Every event we do is either a reach, teach or release event. In July, I sit down and brainstorm a list of activities for the coming year and I spread out reach, teach and release activities throughout the quarter. Students have fun in our reach activities, learn in a hands on way in our teach activities and serve the church and community in release activities. We are a family and we grow as a family in CREW through monthly activities where students can be themselves.

I Am Proud of You: As long as I live I will never forget sitting in a room of twenty Seniors in High School and asking them if they knew their parents or someone was proud of them. The vast majority in the room did not know that someone was proud of them. I left that meeting changed. Every chance I get I tell my students that I am proud of them. To be honest I am very proud of them. Everyone of them is growing and maturing in the Lord and as young men and women. They blow my mind so many times with their self-less attitude and servants heart. I am proud of them and I want them to know that I am proud so I tell them collectively and individually. If you are a parent reading this may I please encourage you to share with your son or daughter that you are proud of them. They do not know it unless you share it.

I love you: I love my students. I would take a bullet for each and every member of CREW. I don't love them because they are good kids (they are) or because they are Christian (not all of them are) or because they serve others (they do). I love them for who they are. I love them because they are made in the image of God and they have value, worth and dignity. This world is tough and unforgiving. I want them to know that there is at least one place where they can come and feel loved. No matter what happens or what they do I will always love each and everyone of them.

At the end of the next event you know what I will say.
I bet I will say my usual speech.
I will say, "Thank you for coming. Our next event will be... I'm proud of you and I love you."

As far as I'm concerned that's not a bad speech or philosophy. 

Wednesday Worship:

Wednesday Worship:

Wednesday Worship:

I Want My Kids To Have A Backbone:

“If you do not stand firm in your faith, then you will not stand at all” (Isaiah 7:9).

This was the word of the Lord through His prophet to a trembling king when faced with adversaries. It was an admonishment to not look to the size of the enemies at hand, but instead trust in the power of God on his behalf. Stand up. Let your backbone be fortified with the truth of the promises and power of God.

I grew up in a time when this command, to stand firm in the faith, was really just rhetoric. There were no kings and armies at the gate; the invading culture and challenges to Christianity were held at bay inside our insulated small town; in fact, the most popular decision I ever made as a college student was to publicly declare before my church family that I sensed God’s call to ministry.

But times… they are a’changin. Obviously.

Research shows us that the number of evangelicals is not diminishing, as some doomsdayers might claim. Instead, what we see is that the days of the “sort of committed Christian” are coming to an end. The “mushy middle ground” of occasional church attendance and casual belief in the authority of Scripture are quickly fading. These are days, increasingly so, when those who are for Christ must be truly for Christ.

There is a reaction to this reality, which I feel in my gut, that is a longing for a perceived past when based on our memory times were much simpler. But those memories are colored and tempered with time, for each generation has had its own challenges to deal with. We can’t give in to the impulse to sit about reminiscing about the good old days, the days when we remember little being challenged, for God has given us these times. These moments. There is great truth in what an old wizard said to a young hobbit in Tolkein’s The Fellowship of the Ring:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Which brings me to the subject of our children. These are times when our longing for our remembered past should be replaced with active prayer. Not just for us, but for our children. So what do we pray for them? Do we pray for their safety? For their comfort? For their freedom? For their ease? Perhaps, but I find myself increasingly praying something else for them, something that feels more appropriate. And in that prayer, I find it not only being made on behalf of them, but for myself, for I along with every other mom and dad have been entrusted with the sacred responsibility of raising these children in the admonition of the Lord. So I pray often:

“Lord, help me raise children with a backbone.”

Their mettle will be tested. Their faith will be challenged. They will be pressured to succumb on any number of fronts. By God’s grace, we will raise them not to shrink back into the shadows, nor to be intentionally argumentative and betray Christian kindness and compassion. That they will stand, and stand firmly.

I pray that I will raise my children with a backbone.

Enough Is Enough:

Let the record show this is not my blog. I copied and pasted from Gary Thomas blog (http://www.garythomas.com/enough-enough/). Though I agree with every word of the blog.

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26

What does it mean to “hate” someone we are elsewhere called to sacrificially love? We are told to love even our enemies, yet Jesus here tells us to hate some of our closest family members. What could that mean?

Hatred here is Semitic hyperbole. In essence, it means “love less than.” There are times when our love and allegiance to God may be at odds with human loyalties; in those cases, love for God, His light and the way of truth, must always prevail.

It’s okay (actually, commendable) for me to love the Seattle Seahawks. But if my wife needs me to take her to the hospital in the middle of a game or needs me to pay her some attention, I have to act like I hate the Seahawks and not even consider my love for them in service to my wife.

Let’s apply this principle in regards to how the church views marriage and divorce.

I recently spoke at a long-standing North American woman’s conference and was overwhelmed by the quantity and horrific nature of things wives are having to put up with in their marriages. Between sessions, I was bombarded by heartfelt inquiries: “What does a wife do when her husband does this? Or that? Or keeps doing this?” It broke my heart. I felt like I needed to take a dozen showers that weekend.

This may sound like a rant, but please hang with me, as I think this conference was a divine appointment. I can’t get this out of my mind.

One wife began our conversation with, “God hates divorce, right?”

“Yes,” I said. “I believe He does.”

“So I’ve just got to accept what’s happening in my marriage, right?”

When she told me what was happening, I quickly corrected her. “If the cost of saving a marriage is destroying a woman, the cost is too high. God loves people more than he loves institutions.”

Her husband is a persistent porn addict. He has neglected her sexually except to fulfill his own increasingly bent desires. He keeps dangling divorce over her head, which makes her feel like a failure as a Christian. He presented her with a list of five things he wanted to do that he saw done in porn, and if she wasn’t willing, he was through with the marriage. She agreed to four of them, but just couldn’t do the fifth. And she feels guilty.

God hates divorce, right?

This is monstrous and vile. This woman needs to be protected from such grotesque abuse, and if divorce is the only weapon to protect her, then the church should thank God such a weapon exists.

A young wife, barely in her twenties, held a baby in a blanket and looked at me with tears. Her husband has a huge temper problem. He’s made her get out of the car on a highway with her baby, twice. “But both times he came back for us,” she said in his defense when I looked absolutely appalled. They were separated and she was living with her parents. She wanted to know if she should take him back because his psychiatrist supposedly said there wasn’t anything really wrong with him. Her husband doesn’t think he has a problem that, in fact, the problem is with her “lack of forgiveness.”

They had been married only three years and she had already lived through more torment (I’m not telling the full story) than a woman should face in a lifetime. My thoughts weren’t at all about how to “save” the marriage, but to ease her conscience and help her prepare for a new life—without him.

Church, God hates it when a woman is sexually degraded and forced to do things that disgust her. It should also make us want to vomit.

When a young man is so immature he puts his wife’s and baby’s life in danger on a highway (amongst other things), the thought that we’re worried about the “appropriateness” of divorce shows that our loyalties are with human institutions, not the divine will.

As Kevin DeYoung so ably puts it, “Every divorce is the result of sin, but not every divorce is sinful.”

Another woman told me about putting up with her husband’s appalling behavior for over forty years. I was invited to look in her face, see the struggle, see the heroic perseverance, but also be reminded that counsel has consequences. So when I talk to a young woman in her third year of marriage and it’s clear she’s married to a monster, and someone wants to “save” the marriage, I want them to realize they are likely sentencing her to four decades of abuse, perhaps because of a choice she made as a teenager. When these men aren’t confronted, and aren’t repentant, they don’t change.

Jesus said what he said about divorce to protect women, not to imprison them. Divorce was a weapon foisted against women in the first century, not one they could use, and it almost always left them destitute if their family of origin couldn’t or wouldn’t step up.

How does it honor the concept of “Christian marriage” to enforce the continuance of an abusive, destructive relationship that is slowly squeezing all life and joy out of a woman’s soul? Our focus has to be on urging men to love their wives like Christ loves the church, not on telling women to put up with husbands mistreating their wives like Satan mistreats us. We should confront and stop the work of Satan, not enable it.

Look, I hate divorce as much as anyone. I have been married for 31 years and cannot fathom leaving my wife. I have prayed with couples, counselled with couples, written blog posts and articles and books, and have travelled to 49 of the 50 states and nine different countries to strengthen marriages in the church. By all accounts, I believe I’ve been an ambassador for improving and growing marriages.

The danger of what I’m saying is clear and even a little scary to me, because no marriage is easy. Every marriage must overcome hurt, pain, and sin. No husband is a saint, in the sense that every husband will need to be forgiven and will be troublesome and even hurtful at times to live with. I’m not talking about the common struggles of living with a common sinner, or every man and woman could pursue divorce. (There are many men who live with abuse and could “biblically” pursue a divorce as well.) Charging someone with “abuse” when it doesn’t truly apply is almost as evil as committing abuse, so we need to be careful we don’t bear “false witness” against a spouse to convince ourselves and others that we can legitimately pursue divorce to get out of a difficult marriage.

That’s why I love how some churches will meet with a couple and hear them out to give them some objective feedback, helping them to distinguish between normal marital friction and abusive behavior. Some women need to hear, “No, this isn’t normal. It’s abuse. You don’t have to put up with that.” Others need to hear, “We think what you’re facing are the normal difficulties of marriage and with counseling they can be overcome.” There’s no way a blog post (or even a book) can adequately anticipate all such questions.

I love marriage—even the struggles of marriage, which God can truly use to grow us and shape us—but I hate it when God’s daughters are abused. And I will never defend a marriage over a woman’s emotional, spiritual, and physical health.

I went back to my hotel room after that woman’s conference and almost felt like I had to vomit. I don’t know how God stands it, having to witness such horrific behavior leveled at his daughters.

Enough is enough!

Jesus says there are “levels” of love, and times when one loyalty must rise over another. Our loyalty to marriage is good and noble and true. But when loyalty to a relational structure allows evil to continue it is a false loyalty, even an evil loyalty.

Christian leaders and friends, we have to see that some evil men are using their wives’ Christian guilt and our teaching about the sanctity of marriage as a weapon to keep harming them. I can’t help feeling that if more women started saying, “This is over” and were backed up by a church that enabled them to escape instead of enabling the abuse to continue, other men in the church, tempted toward the same behavior, might finally wake up and change their ways.

Christians are more likely to have one-income families, making some Christian wives feel even more vulnerable. We have got to clean up our own house. We have got to say “Enough is enough.” We have got to put the fear of God in some terrible husbands’ hearts, because they sure don’t fear their wives and their lack of respect is leading to ongoing deplorable behavior.

I want a man who was abusive to have to explain to a potential second wife why his saintly first wife left him. Let men realize that behavior has consequences, and that wives are supposed to be cherished, not used, not abused, and never treated as sexual playthings. If a man wants the benefit and companionship of a good woman, let him earn it, and re-earn it, and let him know it can be lost.

Enough is enough.

I know I’m ranting. But I don’t think it was an accident that I was constantly stopped at that woman’s conference and forced to hear despicable story after despicable story (“forced” isn’t the right word. I could, of course, have walked away). I think God wanted me to see the breadth and depth of what is going on, and in this case, perhaps to be His voice.

Message received! We are called to love marriage, but when marriage enables evil, we should hate it (love it less) in comparison to a woman’s welfare.

Tough Questions: What Do Muslims Believe About Jihad:

What do Muslims believe about jihad? Jihad is the Muslim term for the word "striving", but is also used to refer to holy war-fighting for the cause of Islam. Muslim scholars explain that Muhammad's teachings on jihad changed over time as his circumstances changed and as resistance to his teachings increased.

Initially, when Islam was a fledgling teaching, Muhammad taught that Muslims should peacefully persuade people to follow Islam. But when Muhammad fled from Mecca to Medina in 622, his followers in Mecca faced persecution. Then, he advised them that fighting for Islam was allowed, but only in defense or to retrieve possessions that have been stolen.

Later, as Islam was spreading, Muhammad encouraged Muslims to take initiative in war to spread Islam-including going on the offense to kill people who didn't believe or convert-except for four holy months out of the year. "When the forbidden months are past, then fight and slay the pagans wherever you find them, and seize them, beleaguer them, and give alms, then leave their way free" (Sura 9:5). Muhammad also taught that the only way to be guaranteed to be accepted into paradise was to die as you were spreading Islam.

Muhammad's final teaching on jihad is what a majority of Muslim scholars declare to be the final and authoritative revelation about the topic since later revelation trumps earlier revelation in Islam. With that interpretation, Muhammad's final teaching on jihad removes all restrictions on fighting to spread Islam because the Koran teaches that jihad should be the practice of any Allah-honoring Muslim. There are over one hundred Suras-passages in the Koran-that command violence or murder of infidels, or people who do not choose to follow Allah.

But within Islam there are various responses to this teaching. Many cultural Muslims focus on the passages in the Koran that talk about peace and religious tolerance. In fact, every Muslim that I have known over the years has practiced and promoted peace and religious tolerance. These Muslims do not practice jihad because they argue that the passages in the Koran about jihad were solely relevant during Muhammad's time.

But Koranic Muslims and militant Muslims agree with the majority of Islamic scholars and believe that the commands to practice jihad for the spread of Islam is universal and for all time. These groups of Muslims believe it's their religious duty to kill and die for the spread of Islam. Muhammad is seen as the perfect man in Islam, and his militant actions are to be as immoral-such as lying-are overlooked if done in the name of spreading Islam or when interacting with non-Muslims. Koranic and militant Muslims will often pose as cultural and peaceful Muslims if it will be beneficial to jihad.

Regardless of the mixed interpretations of jihad within Muslims, it is universally believed within Islam that dying to spread the religion is the only way to guarantee entrance into paradise. It is seen as the highest, most honorable act. And regardless of whether the command to kill non-Muslims was a command for a select period of time or for all time, it was once commanded, which provides insight into the nature of Allah.

Christians, who are reading this post should be asking... "what should be our response?" As Christians we must remember that our call is not to safety or comfort but our call is to spread the Gospel. Jesus's teaching in the Gospel of Matthew should be our guide when dealing with Muslims. Matthew 5:43-48, "You have head that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.' And again in Matthew 10: 16, Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpent and innocent as doves. Even if (and this is a big if) every Muslim was out to kill to spread Islam that does not give us license to run and hide and avoid them. We are called for the sake of the Gospel to love, serve and be hospitable to Muslims. When Muslims see our good deeds they will glorify our Father in Heaven instead of Allah.

In conclusion, you can not read the Koran without realizing how violent the religion of Islam is. Every Muslim must deal with these passages in the Koran. The majority of Muslims interpret the verses to apply only to Muhammad and promote peace and religious tolerance. Unfortunately, the focal minority within Islam who believe the verses apply to today and promote violence get the most time on television. As Christians we are called for the sake of the Gospel to love our enemies and to do good to those who seek to harm us. When we practice our good deeds among Muslims they will see our light and will give glory to God instead of Allah.

*Information from World Religion From a Christian Perspective by Walk Thru the Bible

An Interesting Conversation:

The other week I had the privilege of being invited to have coffee with a local lesbian progressive activist and a professor at one of the local Universities in my city. We had a wonderful conversation and drank a lot of coffee.

She wanted to talk to me because evangelical Christianity piqued her interest, as a sociological phenomenon. She was most interested in our sexual ethic, and peppered me with questions about why we thought certain things were sinful. She was shocked to learn that some things which she thought I would frown upon I was completely fine with within the confines of marriage. We had a respectful, civil conversation, though she couldn't help but laugh out loud several times when I articulated viewpoints quite commonplace in Christianity. She said I was the first person she'd ever actually talked to who believed that sexual expression ought only to take place within marriage, and that I was the only person she'd ever met in real life who thought that marriage could only happen with the union of a man to a woman. She said that if she ever met anyone who had seen someone for more than three or four weeks, without having sex, she would not first assume that this person had some sort of religious conviction, but rather that this person must bear the psychological scars of some sort of traumatic abuse. She followed this up by saying, "So do you see how strange what you're saying sounds to us, to those of us here in normal America?"

Before I could answer, I was distracted by those two words: "normal America." Most of the people in the pews of my church would consider themselves to be "normal America." They would view this woman-with her sexual openness and her dismissal of monogamy-as part of some freakish cultural elite, out of touch with "traditional values." But I suspect she's right. More and more, she represents the moral majority in this country, committed to "family values" of personal autonomy and sexual freedom. She is normal, now.

She snapped me out of my daydreaming by asking again, "Seriously, do you know how strange this sounds to me?" I smiled and said, "Yes, I do. It sounds strange to me too. But what you should know is, we believe even stranger things than that. We believe a previously dead man is going to show up in the sky, on a horse." And that started us on another round of coffee and further discussion...  

Tough Question: What Is Better A Real Christmas Tree Or An Artificial Tree:

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Christmas lights are up all over town, presents are being purchased, eggnog is being drunk, and Christmas trees are being raised in homes all over my city. This time of year sparks a friendly debate among families... which is better a real Christmas tree or an artificial tree?

Allow me to settle this debate once and for all: I have had both a real tree and an artificial tree and an artificial tree is a 1,000 times better than a real tree. Allow me to share my story with you to prove my point.

Growing up the day after Thanksgiving we would go Christmas tree hunting... now don't picture a drive into the mountains to chop down a tree in the woods rather picture everyone hoping into a Ford Explorer and driving to the local grocery store to pick out a tree next to a building. We would spend hours sifting through trees attempting to find the perfect one. Did I mention it would take hours (ok maybe not hours but it sure did feel like hours). When at last we found the right size, one of us would have to stand next to the tree and fight off anyone else who happened to want the same tree that we wanted. I pack a mean left hook if you try and steal my tree.

My dad would come back and inform us that we had paid for the tree and than the real fun began. We had to carry... more like drag the tree to our Ford Explorer... manhandle it on top of our explorer... figure out how to tie it to the roof of the explorer... inevitably this would lead to a fight between my dad and I. We would be yelling at each other (raising our voices) in the middle of the local grocery store parking lot. Once we got the tree on top of the car... strapped down... we would proceed home. A bright ray in the midst of all the turmoil is that us kids in the back would get to hold the straps and my parents always told us that we were helping to hold the tree in place.

At home the tree would without fail have a stump which was too big for our tree stand so we would have to find a saw... chop off a portion of the trunk so it would fit. Manhandle... drag/carry the tree into the living room and set it up. Once the tree was set up we would have to string lights...decorate with ornaments and always keep it watered. Yes... watered... everyday we would have to water the tree because if you didn't the tree would catch on fire and burn down the whole house. So... everyday we watered the tree. E.v.e.r.y.d.a.y w.e. w.a.t.e.r.e.d. t.h.e. t.r.e.e. (so monotonous). As soon as Christmas was over... probably before the end of the day. We manhandled, dragged/carried the tree to the curve because you can't leave it in your house too much longer because it dries out and could burn down the whole house. Oh the stress. My blood pressure is up just thinking about it.

I can hear you... yes you reading this article... oh but I bet the smell was wonderful. Who cares about the smell when you're vacuuming up pine needles everyday and have tree sap all over the furniture. Trust me the smell where's off.

Let me fast forward to this year's Christmas. At 2:00 pm I got up off the couch went down to the basement... pulled our artificial tree out. Carried it without any problem up the steps. Set up our pre-lit 8ft Christmas tree and was done by 2:20 pm. Oh did I mention that the tree fits our house perfectly. There is no tree sap nor do I have to water the tree nor do I have to vacuum pine needles up off the floor. Oh and I can leave it turned on all night long because the needles are flame resistant. Yes, the tree at first was more expensive than a real tree but now that we have used the same one for multiple years the tree has paid for itself a few times over.

And if I want that Christmas tree smell...well I just light a candle and it smells just like a real Christmas tree.

In conclusion, real trees are a waste of time, money and energy. They are a hassle which no one has time for. Artificial trees have always been and will always be the way to go!

Oh yeah one more point my parents now have an artificial tree and they (I quote) would never go back to the hassle of purchasing a real tree.

DEBATE CLOSED!

An Open Letter To Dads On Holidays:

Dear Dads,

If you are anything like me you are already thinking about all of the money which will be spent this holiday season. If you are like me you are already budgeting in your mind how much everything will cost and also taking into account all of the bills which will come due at the end of December. When I begin to think about bills and providing a GREAT Christmas for my children and my wife and on top of that the three birthdays I have in December I begin to get nervous.

I begin to think of all the money which will be spent and I begin to think about taking on more hours at work. I begin to think about scheduling a few speaking engagements at other churches to cover the holiday costs. Maybe, you are thinking of working a little overtime in December to provide monetarily for your family. Maybe, you are thinking of working longer hours in December to close out the books.

May I encourage all of us, myself included, NOT to work longer hours in December. In fact, may I encourage everyone reading this post to shut down our iPhones, power down our computers and spend more time with our families this holiday season. Dads, let us be more like Bob Cratchit and less like Ebenezer Scrooge this holiday season.

Dads, you and I are the gatekeepers to holiday fun. For too long, men have opted to allow their wives to lead the holiday festivities. I believe this is a wrong approach to the holidays. Men... Dads...we should be actively involved in creating memories with our children.

Dads, we should be the ones teaching our children how to put up a tree. We should be the ones checking our local television stations to find out when "Frosty the Snowman", "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" and "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" are on. We should be the ones taking the kids to the Christmas tree lightnings and the light displays in our city. We should be the ones taking our kids deer hunting this season. We should be the ones fighting the crowds to purchase that "one" present our children have to have. We should be the ones putting together toys on Christmas morning and inserting new battery after new battery into toys. Dads, let us not shirk our holiday responsibilities by running to work, instead, let us be bold and brave and become involved in the holiday festivities!

Looking back over many Christmas seasons it is not the presents that I remember but the spending time with family that stands out. I can remember driving around looking at Christmas lights or driving through Newport News Park to see the light display or baking Christmas cookies. I can remember my dad putting together all of our toys on Christmas morning. I can remember my dad being a part of the holiday season. The memories that stand out are the times spent with my dad and with family.

Dads, I am learning that my children desire time with me more than they desire presents and I believe the same is true for your children. Your children desire time with you more than they desire presents.

Dads, may I encourage you that you are the gatekeepers to your families Christmas traditions... don't play the part of Ebenezer Scrooge this holiday season... lavish your family with your time and work hard to create memories which will last longer than the latest iPhone or gaming counsel.

Now if you will excuse me I need to power down my iPhone and go set up the Christmas tree with my children.

Wednesday Worship:

Wednesday Worship:

Wednesday Worship:

Curious Children:

We’ve all been there.You're humming the Curious George theme song while doing dishes when you're hit with this:

Daddy, where did God come from? Who made him? Was it dark before he created darkness? How will baby brother know when it’s time to come out of Mommies belly? And can I have some blueberries for a snack?

Kids ask compelling questions. Often they have a lot of them. As parents, we are blessed with the responsibility to train up our children in the Lord. Part of this training involves taking the time to answer tough questions in ways their little minds can understand. And many of the questions are wonderful opportunities for sharing the gospel.

Four Examples

Here are four examples of ways we have tried to answer such questions.

1. Where did God come from? Who made him? 

God existed before time even existed. Nobody made him. He has always lived. Psalm 90:2 says, “Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.” God has been God since further back than we can even imagine.

2. Why do people have to die?

Originally, God made people so they would never die. But when people started to sin, the whole world became sick and confused. People started to die physically, just like they do today. Our souls never die, though. Souls are the parts of us that make us who we are inside, including the things we can’t see (our thoughts, personalities, feelings, and so on). The Bible says that when Christians no longer have a physical body, their soul is at home with God (2 Cor. 5:8). One day, when Christians are raised like Jesus, they will receive new (and better!) bodies (1 Cor. 15:42–44).

3. How does God make a baby grow inside a mommy’s belly? 

God has made our bodies in such an amazing way. A mommy’s body feeds and nourishes the baby while he or she grows, but God is the one who is growing the baby (kind of like the plants outside). There is so much mystery to God. He is so powerful that he can create galaxies in outer space and he can also create tiny little people. Psalm 139:16 says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” Did you know that babies start out so small that we wouldn’t be able to see them with our eyes? Usually, over the course of about 280 days, God builds a full baby, inside and out. We can’t understand how it all works, but it’s evidence God is both delicate and powerful at the same time.

4. Why can’t astronauts see heaven when they go into the sky? 

Nobody will be able to fully see heaven or hell during this life. Many people believe heaven and hell are in a different dimension. In the Bible, God gave four men visions of heaven: Isaiah, Ezekiel, Paul, and John. He gave two men glimpses of heaven: Micaia and Stephen. We can read about some of those experiences in the Bible. Astronauts will have to wait to see heaven or hell, just like the rest of us.

Four Tips

Additionally, here are four things we’ve tried to keep in mind while seeking to answer big questions from our little people:

1. It’s okay to say “I don’t know.”  

Since God is full of mystery, our minds are not nearly equipped to answer every single question about God and spiritual things. It’s okay to tell our kids, “I’m not sure, but let me find out.” Sometimes, though, our answer must be, “Honey, God is so big that we can’t understand all of him.”

2. Take the time to answer. 

Charles Spurgeon reminds us what’s at stake in this critical task: “You may speak but a word to a child, and in that child there may be slumbering a noble heart which shall stir the Christian church in years to come.”

It can be easy to brush off a child’s questions due to busyness, exhaustion, or even frustration. Throughout Scripture we see the importance of passing wisdom about God and his works from generation to generation (e.g., Deut. 6:7; Ps. 71:18; Eph. 6:4; 2 Tim. 1:5). God has chosen parents to bear the primary responsibility of teaching their children—and our little ones afford us many opportunities to fulfill it.

3. Be patient.

We all know 50 questions in a row can wear anyone down. A simple and lighthearted, “Buddy, I’m so glad you are so curious; let’s take one question at a time” is all it takes to slow the conversation down a bit. Don’t let frustration get in the way of an excellent opportunity.

4. Remember the child’s age.

Take your kid’s age into account when deciphering how to answer their question. If you have a 4-year-old asking about why bad things happen, your answer should be significantly shorter than for a 10-year-old asking the same thing.

Don’t expect a small child to have the same attention span as older children. On the other hand, don’t shortchange an older child who genuinely wants to understand. Read about the topic together and discuss it as deeply as they’re willing.

May we be aware that the Lord is always working even through the daily interactions with our children. Those deep questions, though seemingly random, are divinely planned invitations teach the next generation about the character of God and his marvelous deeds.

My Story: Suicide is NOT the Answer:

I remember many times as a teenager feeling worthless. I struggled with an extremely low self-esteem. I felt that no one really cared if I existed and I thought about taking my life at times.

I can remember 2x when I tried to strangle myself; once with my hands and another time with a belt.

I’m going to share with you a few things that I did to help me overcome thoughts of suicide.

I read a lot of books but ultimately I read the Bible. I read this book over and over and over again. I had to feed myself with thoughts that I was important and that I mattered to God.

Everyday will be a battle. Everyday I was bombarded with thoughts that I didn’t matter, that I was ugly, gross and unimportant. I had to learn to not be so hard on myself and just accept who I was. It took me some time to develop a healthy picture of myself, so don’t get discouraged if it takes you a while.

Don’t fight alone! I tried to fight this battle alone. I did eventually overcome, but I think I would have had quicker results if I would have asked others for help. I could have had accountability and support when I was going through such a hard time.

Stay busy – Keep yourself busy. Get involved at your church. Ask if you can help out by cleaning or making copies. Help your neighbor lady plant her garden. Volunteer at the local food pantry. Do something to keep yourself busy. The more you stay isolated and alone, the more you will have to battle negative thoughts.

Ask God’s help – You aren’t built to do things in your own ability and strength. Rely on God. Ask Him for help, strength and wisdom to get through your day.

I want to encourage you that if you do struggle with thoughts of suicide, to take the scary step and ask for help. Talk to a teacher at school or a pastor at your church. They have resources that will help you fight this battle.

Finally, suicide is not a good solution to your problems. God has a special plan and purpose for your life. He’s got a unique plan for your life that only you can accomplish. When you think that your life doesn’t matter…that is a lie. It does. It matters to God and it matters to others even if it doesn’t feel like it at times.

Get yourself into God’s word and get yourself some help from a trusted adult and you’ll be on your way to overcoming the battle of suicidal thoughts!

7 Ways To Run the Parenting Marathon:

Author: Chap Bettis:

Earlier this month, more than 50,000 people ran in the New York City Marathon

Parenting is like a marathon. Before the race you are fresh and rested. You start with excitement. But this is not a sprint.

There are painful moments. There are times you hit a wall and think you can’t keep going.

But one day, it’s over. Infants are grown. Bedrooms are empty. The house is quiet.

So how do we run the parenting marathon well and finish strong? Here are eight ways.

1. The race requires endurance.

The New York City Marathon is 26.2 miles through all five boroughs. It is long, varied, and painful. There are hills, bridges, streets, and parks. First-time runners know in theory that it can be painful. But when you actually experience the length and the exhaustion, you wonder if you will finish.

Similarly, seeking to faithfully disciple our children as Christian parents is a long, varied, and painful journey. It is not a sprint. There are certainly moments of joy, but also moments of pain when you want to quit. But this is expected when you realize you’re running a marathon.

2. Running with others gives strength. 

Some in the marathon ran with teams. Others ran individually, but they were surrounded by a mass of 50,000 runners. Even if you were running alone, you were not alone.

Family discipleship, like that marathon, is a community endeavor. We need likeminded parents in the church. Though ultimately parenting our kids is on our shoulders, we all need the camaraderie that parenting in a robust community offers.

3. Encouragement makes a big difference.

More than one million fans line the New York City race course. And what are they doing? Constantly cheering. Since many participants put their names on their shirts, complete strangers yell out encouragement by name.

Not only do we need encouragement, we should also give it. A parent you know is tired, discouraged, ready to quit. Your voice and words can be just the thing they need. Whom could you encourage by name this week?

4. You will be given needed resources at the right time.

When the runners start, they don’t have all they need for the race. Twenty-six miles is a long way. But the organizers provide refreshments along the way, and generous spectators spontaneously offer refreshment too.

Similarly, parents don’t have all the resources they need when they begin their course. But God gives grace and refreshment when we need it. You can trust the organizer of your race will provide refreshment. Look for it. It will be there.

5. You aren’t competing with others. 

Other than a few professional athletes, no one is competing against the other runners. Each just wants to finish. Perhaps you want to beat a personal best time. But the main goal is simply to finish.

Likewise, parenting is not a competitive sport. Yet we so often compare ourselves with others. The truth is, God just calls you to do your best. He knows your unique circumstances and limitations. Let the example of others inspire you, but not condemn you. You aren’t competing against them.

6. Others who care about you are watching.

Each marathon runner is provided with an electronic chip to track his or her movements. It also allows others to follow them on the Internet. As my 24-year-old daughter was running through New York City, her 81-year-old grandmother and her Sunday school class were watching from a smartphone in Alabama.

We parent with eternity in mind. God cares about what how we display his glory in our homes. Our example is being watched and serves to encourage others.

7. It’s all about the joy of finishing well. 

At the end of the marathon, what does a runner have to show for five hours of pain? There are cramps, sore muscles, and blisters, but there’s also the joy of a race well run. Each finisher receives a medal and a warming poncho emblazoned with the words “Finisher.” As exhausted runners walk around New York wearing the blue ponchos, complete strangers call out “Good job!” and “Congratulations!”

We can’t control what our children do with their lives. But we can finish well. We can know in our conscience that we did our best. Not perfect, but our best.

Duty is ours. Results are God’s. We evangelize and disciple our kids, trust the God who made them, and pray we will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

Keep on Running

Family discipleship (and the Christian life) is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. You may be at mile 1, 18, or 25. Others can encourage you along the way, but ultimately you’re running for an audience of One. You are not competing against anyone else.

The King who sits on the throne is also inside you, providing strength and wisdom. Walk if you must. But keep going! It will be worth the pain in the end. And best of all, your Father is waiting at the finish line with open arms.

Parents, Wake Up:

Author: Randy Alcorn

While speaking about sexual purity a few years ago, I told parents that if they’re going to let their children have unrestricted Internet access in the privacy of their own rooms, through computers, tablets, phones, or any other device they might as well buy thousands of pornographic magazines and stack them in their children’s closets and say, “Don’t ever look at those.” It amounts to the same thing.

After my message, a sincere Christian mother came up to me. She was offended by my warning to parents not to allow their children to have unmonitored Internet access.

“I can’t believe you said that,” she began. “My son has Internet access in his room, and I trust him! He’s a good boy.”

I told her, “I was once a seventh grade boy. I’ll tell you right now, you think you’re honoring your son by trusting him, but you are setting him up for a fall. You could hand him a gun, and his life might turn out better than if you just hand him over to the Internet.”

If this strikes you as an overstatement, you simply do not understand the devastating effects of pornography. The great majority of children, especially boys but also girls, who are allowed access to pornography will view it, either inadvertently or purposefully, and many of those will become addicted to it, ruining their lives and in many cases ruining their future marriages.  

That pornography is “harmless” is a lie from the pit of Hell. Scripture says that Satan goes around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour, and sadly, we are losing our daughters and our sons.

For years, such predictions and warnings sounded like the overreactions of religious zealots. But recently an outpouring of information on the negative impact of pornography is available from mainstream researchers and secular sources. (Even GQ Magazine for men shared a piece in 2013 titled, “10 Reasons Why You Should Quit Watching Porn.”) Many researchers recognize, even from their non-Christian worldview, that children’s early exposure to addictive pornography and behavior such as sexting (taking and sharing provocative selfies) is harming them deeply.

The cover title for Time Magazine’s April 2016 issue was “PORN: Why young men who grew up with Internet Porn are becoming advocates for turning it off.” This lengthy, non-faith based article highlighted the real-life sexual problems that men who grew up with Internet porn are facing in relationships (like not being physically able to become aroused by a real encounter with a woman because of the way porn use has altered their brain’s chemistry/functionality).

The New York Times tweeted this tag line to a recent article: “The longer you wait to give your children a smartphone, the better.” Brian X. Chen writes about how increasingly younger kids are being impacted by pornography and sexting:

Ms. Weinberger, who wrote the smartphone and Internet safety book “The Boogeyman Exists: And He’s in Your Child’s Back Pocket,” said she had surveyed 70,000 children in the last 18 months and found that, on average, sexting began in the fifth grade, pornography consumption began when children turned 8, and pornography addiction began around age 11.

In an article for The Atlantic, Hanna Rosin cites research about the wide-spread practice of sexting:

A recent study of seven public high schools in East Texas, for example, found that 28 percent of sophomores and juniors had sent a naked picture of themselves by text or e-mail, and 31 percent had asked someone to send one. …boys and girls were equally likely to have sent a sext, but girls were much more likely to have been asked to—68 percent had been.

…This year, researchers in Los Angeles published a study of middle-schoolers showing that those who sent sexts were 3.2 times more likely to be sexually active than those who didn’t.

A police officer friend told me that hardly a week goes by when he doesn’t get a call from a distraught parent who has discovered nude pictures of their daughter are being sent all over the school or across the country because she posed for a friend, or took the picture herself. Those images can never be fully recalled, nor the shame erased from memory.

Officer John Rasmussen, a school resource officer in my area, explained he often shares with families how the devastating effects of sexting and pornography knows no bounds.  “I’ve frequently found the youth involved come from believing families who have raised ‘good kids.’”

Christian parents would never have believed it if you had told them 25 years ago that one day most kids would be carrying around a little device that would allow them access to pornography and on which they could receive naked images sent by their classmates while the young person is doing homework, in bed, or sitting in church.

Hanna Rosin explains how Major Donald Lowe and his fellow officers at the Louisa County Sheriff's Office have talked to kids about the consequences of sexting:

Lowe’s team explained to both the kids pictured on Instagram and the ones with photos on their phones the serious legal consequences of their actions. Possessing or sending a nude photo of a minor—even if it’s a photo of yourself—can be prosecuted as a felony under state child-porn laws. He explained that 10 years down the road they might be looking for a job or trying to join the military, or sitting with their families at church, and the pictures could wash back up; someone who had the pictures might even try to blackmail them.

“Locally we see a blackmail tactic used time and again.  It usually starts with ‘send me just one pic’,” says Officer Rasmussen. “And that first picture may not be considered too provocative by most, but the kid is manipulated with shame and fear that someone will find out. Coercive requests follow, like, ‘Send me more or I’ll send this one out to your friends and family.’ This can very quickly progress to, ‘Now meet me for “_______” (sex act) or I’ll share all the photos.’”

I’m a parent to a boy and a girl. Like many of you, I find this information, and the related statistics, chilling. (And remember, it’s not just boys who are looking at pornography; young girls are too. Nor are girls the only ones participating in sending inappropriate pictures.) The reality is, if you have children in grade school and older, even if they themselves aren’t exposed to or involved in these practices, some of their classmates certainly are, and as the years go on, more will be.

So what can concerned parents do?

1. Realize your responsibility to protect your children. If your child has a smartphone or has access to a phone, a tablet, online gaming console, or a computer, they are vulnerable. As a parent you might wonder, “Do I have the right to interfere? Isn’t that being nosey?” Your job is to interfere, and to know what is going on in your children’s lives, as well as what happens when they’re at friends’ houses and at school. You need to protect them, just as if you were standing next to a freeway and would feel an obligation to put your arms around them and say, “Stay off that freeway.”

You and your spouse need to decide what age is appropriate for your children to have their own phone, as well as the capabilities their phone has when do they do get one. (Some parents concerned about being able to safely reach their children have provided a phone that can only make calls and text certain numbers.)

2. Start the conversations about the dangers of pornography now. Given the ever-younger ages of kids affected, there’s a great advantage in talking to your kids early—probably much earlier than you might think. Several parents I respect have used and recommended the book Good Pictures, Bad Pictures by Kristen A. Jenson to talk with their children about the dangers of pornography in an age-appropriate format. (The book also provides positive, practical steps for kids when they are inadvertently exposed to inappropriate images.) Older teens could benefit from the many purity-related resources available from ministries.  (For instance, see my article Guidelines for Sexual Purity and Dannah Gresh’s Seven Secrets to Purity for Every Teen Girl.)

Realize too that the conversations shouldn’t be just one time, but ongoing. One mom of boys writes, “What I am coming to see is that my boys and I just have to have conversation after conversation after conversation about the topic and about how most of their friends are going to struggle with this and most of society is struggling with this.”

3. Establish clear guidelines in your family. Install a pornography-filtering and accountability-reporting program on computers, tablets, and smartphones (realizing it can’t screen out everything). Establish, and enforce, rules in your home about keeping electronic devices, including phones, out of private rooms. (Some families have a “drop basket” or a “station” where everyone, including parents, deposits their phones when they come through the door.) Require that computers and televisions stay in high-traffic areas.

4. Talk to your children about the great rewards and happiness of purity, and the destruction and unhappiness of impurity. Talk about how good sex can be inside marriage. Explain how sex is one of the best things God has made, but it becomes the very worst—the most devastating—when it is taken out of its God-given context. Scripture, especially in Proverbs 5-7, provides a great basis to talk to kids about the dangers of impurity and lust.

This is a battle for our children, with their lives and futures at stake. May Christian parents answer the Lord’s call to protect their children, and train them in the joys of purity.

I Love Camp:

I have a confession. I LOVE CAMP!!!! There is nothing better than getting away with my students for a weekend or a week to spend time with each other and God. It always amazes me how God uses these times to draw us closer together as a group and to do a work in the lives of my students.

Below are four reasons why I love camp.

1) Have to vs Get to: I am Associate Pastor/Minister of Students. I wish the church I work at was big enough where I could just be Minister of Students but that is not the case. The Associate Pastor side of my job are all the things I "have to do" to justify my salary. For example: I have to visit the hospital. I have to be in the office from 9-3 (Boooorrrinng). I have to visit shut ins. I have to edit the bulletin. I have to run the web page. I have to do the announcements. I have to...

But

When it comes to my students these are the things I get to do. I get to go without sleep for an entire weekend. I get to spend time pouring into my students. I get to play dodgeball and eat Taco Bell with middle and high schoolers. I get to hang out with middle school students. I get to snap chat. I get to watch God work in the lives of students. I get to...

Camp reminds me of all the reasons why I love my students and love spending time with teenagers. Camp rejuvenates me and excites me to continue to pursue the Lord and run hard after Him. I love my students and I love getting to spend time with them. There is no other place I'd rather be than spending time with my students.

2) Learning More About God in the Sessions: I understand that camp and the sessions are geared for students but God constantly and consistently teaches and speaks to me every time we go to camp. My students come back on fire for God and I also come back on fire and with a renewed commitment to training students and reaching students with the Gospel. Just look at some of the things I learned this past weekend:

• Do we look more like Christ now than you did two years ago?
• Where do we see the power of God? The power of God is not found in nature but is found in the Word of God (Romans 1:16).
• The Bible is the power of God and our only offensive weapon to battle temptation and Satan.
• You can't love Jesus and not love His word.
• We should keep a running conversation with God all day long.
• God does not intend for us to fight our battle with sin alone.
• Accountability cannot be imposed. It must be invited.

How can I not learn more about God with sessions like we had this weekend.

3) Watch God Move In The Lives Of My Students: I am on my third year as Student Minister and this past weekend was my fourth time getting away for a weekend or week with my students. Every time I am amazed at what God does and is doing in their lives. God did a work this weekend in each of their lives and it's an amazing privilege to watch God move in their lives. 

I have watched my students grow closer to God but I have also watched them mature as they are given more and more responsibility. For example, I'm not a fan of babying students so when we go to camp they are responsible for their own money, room keys, phones, etc. I tell my students all the time I'm not your mama I'm not going to be waking you up in the morning. This past weekend every student was given a card which they would use to get into the cafeteria. If they lost the card they could not eat. Some of the students were nervous about losing their card and asked if I would hold it. I politely looked at them and asked if I looked like their mama. When the answer was no. I told them that I treat them like adults and they are responsible for their own card. Do you want to know something? Not one student lost their card. Every one was responsible enough to take care of themselves.

Several of the older high school students I watch take a middle school student under their wing and help to instruct and teach them about life. It was fun to watch.

4) I Love Spending Time With My Students: I realize this point is a lot like my first point but I just want to reiterate how much I love spending time with my students. Julia and I feel that every student in our group is one of our own. We are sad when they are sad, hurt when they hurt and happy when they are happy. They are an extension of our family. I love each and everyone of them and spend time in prayer for each of them everyday. There is no better way to spend my weekend or week than by spending time with each of them.

In conclusion, I LOVE CAMP!!! I love camp because I love my students and love watching God mold them and shape them into His image. I look forward to many years of serving as a Minister of Students.

Change Is Possible:

We have turned the page on 2016 and have opened to a new chapter in 2017. What will this year hold? It is an amazing thing that every year on January 1st we have an opportunity to make resolutions and start afresh. If you are like me than you have already made new year’s resolutions and are looking forward to keeping them. Whatever your resolution is, remember, that because of Christ you can change and keep your resolution. Allow me to explain.

Ephesians 4:24 says, “put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Christianity means changes is possible. Deep, fundament change. It is possible to become tenderhearted when once you were callous and insensititve. It is possible to stop being dominated by bitterness and anger. It is possible to become a loving person no matter what your background has been.

The Bible assumes that God is the decisive factor in making us what we should be. With wonderful bluntness, the Bible says, “Put away malice and be tenderhearted.” It does not say, “If you can…” Or: “If your parents were tender-hearted to you…” Or: “If you weren’t terribly wronged…” It says, “Be tender-hearted.”

This is wonderfully freeing. It frees us from the terrible fatalism that says change is impossible for me. It frees me from mechanistic views that make my background my destiny.

And God’s commands always come with freeing, life-changing truth to believe. For example,

1) God adopted us as his children: We have a new Father and a new family. This breaks the fatalistic forces of our “family-of-origin.” “Do not call anyone on earth your Father, He who is in heaven” (Matthew 23:9).

2) God loves us as His children: We are loved children. The command to imitate the love of God does not hang in the air, it comes with power, “Be imitators of God as loved children. Love! Is the command and being loved is the power.

3) God has forgiven us in Christ: Be tender-hearted and forgiving just as God in Christ forgave you. What God did is power to change. The command to be tender-hearted has more to do with what God did for you than what your mother did to you. This kind of command means you can change.

4) Christ loved you and gave Himself for you: “Walk in love just as Christ loved you.” The command comes with life-changing truth. Christ loved you. At the moment when there is a chance to love and some voice says, “You are not a loving person,” you can say, “Christ’s love for me makes me a new kind of person. His command to love is just as surely possible for me as His promise of love is true for me.”

Christianity is what makes change possible. You can fulfill your new year’s resolution. Change is possible!

Let Her Fight:

You are at the playground with your three-year-old, lets call her Piper (I'm not sure where I came up with that name).

She’s happily swinging on the “big girl” swing, obviously proud of herself for having graduated from the rubberized, diaper-looking mini-swings. An overgrown lout with greasy hair and what appears to be stubble on his chin – the kid has to be six years old, probably seven – decides that he wants that swing. Now. Glowering at Piper as he towers over her, he casually grabs hold of the chain, yanks it, and sends her dangling off the swing like a marionette. She begins to wail as he pushes her aside. What do you do?

A)    You intervene immediately to console your hyper-ventilating child. “It’s okay, sweetie,” you coo into her ear as she sobs into your shoulder. You calmly carry her away from the scene, find a quiet place to sit her down, and then scan the playground for the lout’s mother so you can give her the Evil Eye.

B)    You intervene immediately to find a peaceful resolution to the crisis. “What seems to be the problem?” you ask innocently as you approach the children. You work to calm them both down and get them to explain what they want. Then you help them find an amicable solution that involves apologies and taking turns.

C)    You sit back and watch the scene. You smile inwardly as Piper picks herself off the ground and shoves the lout back. Surprised by her temerity, he pushes her away again. She’s having none of it. Grabbing the bottom of the swing, she attempts to upend him. By this time, the scene has attracted the attention of several parents, and the lout’s embarrassed mother hurriedly hustles him away.

Most modern parenting books would suggest that B is the best way to deal with the situation, though in reality many parents opt for the non-confrontational A. B has its merits, no doubt. The situation gets resolves peacefully, both kids get the chance to use the swing, and you get another line in your Nobel Peace Prize nomination. But what messages is it sending to Piper and the lout? Even in the best case scenario, that approach tells them the wrong things about life.

First, it rewards bullying. Instead of being punished or shamed, the lout gets to use the swing in the end. That simply is not right! Peace must not come at the expense of justice. That almost-old-enough-to-get-a-learner’s-permit brute has no business messing with a pint-sized pre-schooler. He needs to understand that. He has probably been pushing little kids around since he was mobile, and few of them have had the guts to stand up to him. If he gets away with it today, he will be groping other folks’ daughters on the subway ten years from now. Better to set him straight now.

Intervening to bring peace to the situation also sends the wrong message to Rachel. It tells her that when confronted with a bully the best solution is to find a way to make the bully happy, even if it means that she has to give up something he has no right to have. It tells her that Daddy is going to come to her rescue whenever she gets in trouble. It tells her that she is incapable of standing up for herself. She might as well be that wretched damsel in distress who waits helpless for some man to save the day. Sure, it makes you feel good to be the hero, but at whose expense?

Those are not the kinds of messages I want my daughter to internalize. Instead, I want her to stand her ground when she is right, even if it risks confrontation. I want her to stick up for  and others, even if it means courting danger. I want her to put bullies in their place so that the bullies will not swagger around the playground wreaking havoc anymore. So I advocate C. Resist the temptation to intervene – intervening may make you feel better about yourself, but ultimately it damages your daughter’s ability to develop courage.

Let Her Fight!

Don't Give Your Kid Porn For Christmas:

This Christmas a lot of children will receive porn from under the tree. It not what they wanted, and not what their parents intended for them to have. But they will get it anyway.

The first iPod, the first tablet, the first laptop—these are today’s coming of age rituals. We give our daughter her first iPod and she responds with joy. While we know there is lots of bad stuff out there on the Internet, we never imagine that she—our little girl—would ever want to see it or ever go anywhere she is likely to find it. We give our teen his first laptop, warn him about the responsibility that is now his, and send him on his way. We make a mental note to follow up in a couple of weeks, but are sure that he will do just fine. “He will talk to me if he has any questions or temptations, right?”

The statistics don’t lie. According to recent research, 52% of pornography is now viewed through mobile devices, and 1 in 5 searches from a mobile device is for porn. The average age of first exposure to pornography is 12. Nine out of 10 boys and 6 out of 10 girls will be exposed to pornography before the age of 18. 71% of teens hide online behavior from their parents. 28% of 16-17 year olds have been unintentionally exposed to online pornography. (Time Magazine)

The fact is, giving your children computers, iPods, tablets—any of these devices—gives them access to the major gateway to pornography.

The statistics are intimidating, but not inevitable. There are things you can do to protect your family. If you choose to give your kids digital devices for Christmas, be sure to take measures to protect them.

You will need to have at least 3 goals.

Your first goal will have to be teaching and training. You need to teach and train your children to use their devices responsibly. This kind of training is an indispensable part of responsible parenting in a world like this one. Train your children to use these devices well, and as they prove themselves, allow them freer access and more responsibility.

Your second goal will have to be guarding your children from seeing or experiencing what they do not know exists. The innocent ought to remain innocent without being unintentionally exposed to pornography or dangerous situations before their parents have been able to teach and train them.

Your third goal will have to be preventing your children from seeing or experiencing what they may desire once they learn that it exists. Children and teenagers are insatiably curious and are taught from a young age to use the Internet to find answers to their questions. This is a dangerous combination when it comes to adult matters, and especially matters of sexuality. The concerned parent will want to make it as difficult as possible for his children to access dangerous or pornographic material, even if they want to.

Parents, I am praying for you and hear for you if you would like to talk further about this issue.

What If?:

For a long time the trend in Pastoral Ministry has been to move from church to church over the course of your career. The trend used to be spend three-four years being an Associate Pastor and than move on to a Senior Pastor at a smaller church for 2-3 years, than begin to work your way up moving to a bigger church each time. I have talked with Pastors who recommend always having your resume up to date and circulating around to other churches just in case you lose your job at the church you are at.

I don't know about you but that just seems wrong.

What if we did Pastoral ministry differently? What if students graduated from Seminary and planted their life in a community and at a church? What if instead of moving into a parsonage Pastors purchased a house and set down roots in a community?What if Pastors invested their lives among a church body for 10, 20, 30 even 40 years? What if instead of looking for a bigger church Pastors stayed at their church through thick and thin? What if Pastors stayed on in a church during the bad times when people were leaving and deacons wanted them outed? What if Pastors stayed on in a church during the good years when the church was growing and other churches were offering him a job? What would the ministerial impact be if Pastors stayed at their church for decades instead of years? What would the trust look like between Pastor and church members if all of the church members had been dedicated to the Lord when they were babies by there now Senior Pastor? What would our cities look like if Pastors didn't move in and out but had built up a great reputation in the community?

God has been doing a work in my heart. God has been laying within me a burden to invest my life... not just five years at FBC Stanleyville but my whole life.

What if I raised my family in FBC Stanleyville? What if I stayed long enough to marry my daughter within the walls of FBC Stanleyville? What if I did life with the members of FBC Stanleyville for the next 40 years?

What if?

What Makes A Youth Pastor?:

BACK IN THE 90S THERE WAS A STEREOTYPICAL YOUTH PASTOR.

He was a young, hip, 20-something who had just graduated from Bible college or grew up in the church he was now serving. He was loud, played guitar, and had a stellar video game collection. He introduced students to games that today would lead to a lawsuit, drove the church van like it was a hot rod, and only stuck around for 2-4 years. He typically got talked to by the elders at least once a month about the students’ and his behavior that the church didn’t like.

FAST FORWARD TO TODAY AND YOUTH PASTORS LOOK EXCEPTIONALLY DIFFERENT.

We come in all different shapes, sizes, personalities, ages, and backgrounds. And not all of us are male either. We live in a very different world where youth ministers have changed and grown into capable leaders and servants who remain in with youth ministry for years, even decades. But the reality is that the perception of a youth pastor has not changed.

There are still those who look at youth pastors as assistant-level staff, who do not function in the same capacity as senior-level staff. They still see a youth pastor as the immature and brazen young person looking to make a name for themselves. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Many of today’s youth pastors look exceptionally different.

Yes, many youth pastors will be young and fresh and looking to take the world by storm for Jesus, but that doesn’t just describe youth pastors. But the truth is that there a variety of styles, shapes, and personalities when it comes to being any type of pastor. It isn’t an age or maturity issue, it is a calling.

SO WHAT MAKES A YOUTH PASTOR?

The calling and passion that God Himself has instilled in someone’s life. I have had the pleasure of learning under, working with, and witnessing youth pastors of all different types lead and care for students. They were loud, soft spoken, energetic, reserved, up front people, the behind the scenes type, gifted in speaking, a counselor, a Disney movie lover, a cat hater, a big kid, a theologian. But most of all, they were men and women who above all else loved Jesus and loved students as He did.

TODAY, YOUTH PASTORS ARE VASTLY DIFFERENT THAN THEY WERE BACK IN THE 90S.

They aren’t looking to use youth ministry as a stepping stone to being a senior pastor. They aren’t looking to break all the church rules and upset the elder board. They aren’t looking to be everyone’s best friend. They are looking to love students where they are at, to be a beacon of light in a dark world that tells students God doesn’t matter or care. They are ministering to students who have been hurt, abused, told they aren’t worth anything, forgotten, cast out, and left alone.

Youth pastors stand together under the banner of Christ to care for the upcoming generations that are hurting and broken. They are old, young, short, tall, black, white, Bible school dropouts and seminary grads. They are dynamic speakers who draw crowds and quiet disciple makers who draw 4-5 students. They are musicians and people who sing poorly and loudly proclaiming the salvation of Jesus. They are fallen people who would do anything to be the hands and feet of Jesus today to the students they serve.

I AM PROUD TO SAY I AM A YOUTH PASTOR.

I am not a silicone mold, I am my own person. I do not fit the stereotype. I am broken, I am sinful, I am forgiven, I have a calling, and I love students. To all my fellow youth pastors: you matter more than you know! We may never hear it, but the impact we have on the lives of the students we serve is greater than we will see this side of heaven. Fight the good fight brothers and sisters, and never fit the mold! Be you, be unique, and be the hands and feet of Jesus to students you serve.

I am a youth pastor!

*Originally published on Youth Specialties

Hell is Real, Let us Go:

The aim of my life: rescuing people from eternal suffering and bringing them into the everlasting joy of knowing and worshiping Jesus.

Why do people need rescuing? Because hell is real.

Hell Is Real

Some professing Christians would rather skip all the “unseemly” bits about eternal judgment at the hands of a wrathful God. In the mildest form, these Christians are uncomfortable about this teaching. They don’t deny it; they simply wish it wasn’t there. In the most strident form, these Christians may reject the doctrine of hell altogether as unworthy a loving God and perhaps a throwback to less enlightened eras.

But what if we believe what we say we believe about the inspiration and inerrancy of the Bible? Then from Moses to the Lord Jesus’s earthly ministry to the concluding scenes of Revelation, the Bible confronts us with this harrowing truth: Hell is real. Souls are punished there. Escape is impossible. And it lasts forever.

It’s almost too much to think about. How many millions and millions of souls now suffer God’s just punishment for their rebellion in sin? Christianity isn’t made acceptable by removing thoughts of hell. Christianity is made urgently beautiful by properly considering the reality of hell.

Time Is Short

How many will depart this life to a Christless eternity before you finish reading this article?

• 55.3 million people die each year.
• 151,600 people die each day.
• 6,316 people die each hour.
• 105 people die each minute.
• Ultimately, the death rate is 1:1.

But those raw numbers don’t tell the whole story. Those aggregate numbers hide an alarming spiritual disproportion. More than 2.9 billion people live in “unreached” people groups in some of the hardest-to-reach areas of the world. This means each minute, each hour, each day tens of thousands die without any real access to the message that would save them from hell and save them for God’s love.

As you’ve pondered those numbers, another 105 persons have left time and entered eternity. How many do you suppose went to be with the Lord, and how many were consigned to the pit?

Friends, time is short.

Jesus Says ‘Go’

If you’re reading this article, chances are the gospel has already reached you. You are, after all, reading this on a Christian website.

But the gospel was never intended to stop with you and me. The gospel reached us on the way to others. We’re part of a relay team, made up of Christians spanning time and space all the way back to those 12 who first followed the Lord. We have a part in God’s missionary purpose to make for himself a people out of all the peoples of the earth.

I love the way Ed Stetzer once put it: “It’s not that God’s church has a mission; it’s that God’s mission has a church.” We serve a missionary God, which means we must be a missionary people. And it means we shouldn’t be surprised by our Lord’s parting instruction: “Go make disciples of all nations” (Matt. 28:19–20).

Go. A simple word with profound implications. A simple strategy addressing the staggering reality of endless judgment. For many people, the yawning mouth of hell is blocked only by the obedient, sacrificial, hopeful, loving, God-glorying work of missionaries.

Hell is real. Time is short. Our King says go.

Let us bear our cross by crossing borders to preach his cross.