The Giving Tree, Piper & Fireplace:

I grew up loving to read and I want to instill in my children a love for reading also. I have a philosophy as a parent which is if any of my children pick out a book in a store I will purchase it for them. We have a large collection of Spot books because of this philosophy. Spending money on a book is never wasted money besides if we don't have enough money at the end of the month because we've spent it all on books I can just burn the boring pages. ;) The other day I was near a book store so I pulled in to purchase Piper a new book. I went to the children's section and was looking for a book to read to Piper at night. I came across "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein.

You may recall the basic plot of the book. Graced with Shel Silverstein’s simple black-and-white line drawings, it tells the story of a little boy and the tree that loves him dearly. The boy and the tree play joyfully together at the beginning, when both are young. As the boy turns into a teenager, he drifts away to pursue girls, then becomes a man and is consumed with his job and his family. The lonely tree pines away for her little boy and the times they shared together. Every time he comes to visit, he needs something more from her, and she happily gives it to him.

First he needs the fruit from her branches so that he can start a business; later she offers her very limbs so he can build a house for his family; finally, she sacrifices her entire trunk so that he can build a boat to sail away and start a new life. Each time she gives him something, Silverstein writes, “The tree was happy.” When the boy returns as a frail old man, the tree has nothing left to give except her stump, which he uses to sit down and rest his weary bones. Once again, “The tree was happy.”

Though I had not thought about it in years, I remembered the book as a beautiful story of love – deep, unconditional love – and it evoked warm memories from my childhood. I thought she would love it.

But as I flipped the pages, the book took on a new look. Dark shadows crept across the white page as an ominous soundtrack crescendoed in the background of my mind. The sweet little boy morphed into a manipulative little devil who preys upon the unsuspecting tree. Their innocent, loving relationship transformed into a hideous case of domestic abuse, a classic case of a guy bullying a girl into doing what he wants and expecting her to like it. He takes and takes and takes, giving her nothing but scorn. He ignores her, he uses her, he destroys her very being – but he never offers a hint of gratitude, let alone reciprocity.

Yet what does the tree do? She takes it all and responds with a perky “Thank you, sir, may I have another?” kind of joy. She is not a devoted friend; she is a doormat. Instead of telling him to build his own house, she accepts the abuse willingly and even looks forward to it. This is the sort of thing you read about in psychology class or in a police report, after the woman finally has had enough and starts shooting.

From a boy’s perspective, sure, The Giving Tree seems like a wonderful story. The lesson is downright heartwarming: no matter how much of a jerk I am, I can always count on some chick being there to give me what I want. But what does it teach Piper and other girls? That love means “standing by your man,” no matter how much he neglects or abuses you? That love demands unreciprocated sacrifice? That you should be happy with whatever your boy does to you?

Imagine if the sex of the characters in the book were reversed. Seriously, try it. (It’s hard to do because it runs counter to our cultural conditioning – we simply cannot imagine a male putting up with that kind of crap.) Now it’s a little girl relentlessly heaping abuse upon a stoic male tree. Would we fondly remember it as a moving book about love? Probably not – readers would see the girl as a miniature Cruella DeVille and the tree as a spineless wimp. Neither character would come across as sympathetic, and readers would scurry off to safer books with more traditional gender roles. It simply would not be written with the sexes reversed.

As I finished The Giving Tree in the book store, my mind flashed forward about twenty years. Piper is in college and dating a “sweet little boy” like the one in the book. What would I think of their relationship? Would I think it was “beautiful” and “loving”? Would I want her to be the devoted tree giving, giving, giving to an ungrateful lout who neglects her? No! I did not raise her to be a cheerful victim.

In case you think I am being a little over the top on the week of October 18-24th, USA Today ran a story on Shel Silverstein and his risque life. The article reported that Mr. Silverstein was Hugh Hefner's sidekick and was welcome into the inner circle of the Playboy mansion. He fathered two children with Playboy bunnies (fatherered is a loose term since he never spent any time with them) and was reported to have slept with hundreds of women. I can't help but think that this lifestyle influenced his view on women & affected/infected the writing of The Giving Tree.

The bottom line: The Giving Tree is fit for the fireplace and nothing more.

Wednesday Worship:

Monday Morning Humor:

The Glorious Gospel:

We preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to the Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.-1 Corinthians 1:23-24

Over against the terrifying news that we have fallen under the condemnation of our Creator and that He is bound by His own righteous character to preserve the worth of His glory by pouring out eternal wrath on our sin, there is the wonderful news of the gospel.

This is a truth no one can ever learn from nature. It has to be told to neighbors and preached in churches and carried by missionaries.

The good news is that God Himself has decreed a way to satisfy the demands of His justice without condemning the whole human race.

Hell is one way to settle accounts with sinners and uphold His justice. But there is another way.

The wisdom of God has ordained a way for the love of God to deliver us from the wrath of God without compromising the justice of God.

And what is this wisdom? The death of the Son of God for sinners!

The death of Christ is the wisdom of God by which the love of God saves sinners from the wrath of God, all the while upholding and demonstrating the righteousness of God in Christ.

My Kid Doesn't Deserve a Trophy:

Let me paint a picture for you. Your daughter is in the third grade, and she plays on a co-ed basketball team. The scoreboard is never turned on at games and at the end of the year all of the kids go home with a medal. Everyone is a winner—even your daughter who was afraid of the ball and looked like a deer in headlights every time someone passed it to her.

This approach to kids’ sports isn’t unusual. When I played sports growing up, I was a mediocre athlete at best (I was the kid out in far left field picking flowers)-yet at the end of the sport season I received a participation trophy. I think my generation is the generation of participation trophies. Heaven forbid if we got our feelings hurt.

The idea is to teach kids that sports are about having fun, not only about winning (and losing). The concept is wonderfully warm and fuzzy, but many child experts are finding that this approach is doing more harm than good. Today’s kids are growing up in a unrealistic world where everyone goes home with a trophy, a medal or a ribbon for just showing up and doing nothing particularly special. Sports teams are passing out so many tokens of recognition that the that “trophy and award sales are now an estimated $3 billion-a-year industry in the United States and Canada,”  journalist Ashley Merryman noted in a New York Times op-ed piece about this culture that over-rewards kids. Is this good for kids? What happens when these kids don’t get into the college of their dreams? Will they have the coping skills to deal with such loss? What happens when these kids start their first jobs? Are they going to expect a raise just for showing up?

Merryman, who co-wrote the blockbuster parenting book Nurture Shock with San Francisco dad Po Bronson, believes this “nonstop recognition does not inspire children to succeed.” She explains:

By age 4 or 5, children aren’t fooled by all the trophies. They are surprisingly accurate in identifying who excels and who struggles. Those who are outperformed know it and give up, while those who do well feel cheated when they aren’t recognized for their accomplishments. They, too, may give up.

It turns out that, once kids have some proficiency in a task, the excitement and uncertainty of real competition may become the activity’s very appeal.

If children know they will automatically get an award, what is the impetus for improvement? Why bother learning problem-solving skills, when there are never obstacles to begin with?

If I were a baseball coach, I would announce at the first meeting that there would be only three awards: Best Overall, Most Improved and Best Sportsmanship. Then I’d hand the kids a list of things they’d have to do to earn one of those trophies. They would know from the get-go that excellence, improvement, character and persistence were valued.

As a parent I fear that I will find it difficult to provide opportunities for my children to win and lose, especially in those early, impressionable years, from preschool to third grade. I fear they will be playing on fields and courts where nobody keeps score and wont experience the joy of winning and the sting of defeat.

I don’t want my children growing up thinking that they can go half way and still get a trophy or put in half the effort in class and still get an A, an award or a trophy (even if it’s the seventh place trophy). I would rather that they learn the lesson that they have to work hard and earn things based on their own merit.

Wouldn’t life be a breeze if everyone “earned a trophy” as they grew into an adult? Applying for your dream job? Just show up and it’s yours. Want to get into a prestigious PhD program? Everyone gets an acceptance letter.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t support out children, make them feel loved or encourage them to participate in life. Instead, the next time that your little one cries because Johnny won first place at the swim meet and he didn’t even get a trophy, calmly explain that not everyone can win all of the time. Sure, that metallic-coated plastic trophy sparkles with a faux shine, but “winning” it for just being there doesn’t inspire your child to succeed.

In conclusion, not every kid deserves a trophy. You know who does deserve a trophy? The kid who works the hardest. The kid who puts in the most time. The kid who shows up and BRINGS IT.

But after that, kids deserve what they put in, nothing more and nothing less. And I’m not getting all “American bootstraps mentality for the win!” on ya. Come on. I know there’s more to the story than that, and hard work alone doesn’t guarantee “success” in the world, but I also know 100% that I cannot teach my kids the world is here to serve them, or even, really, as harsh as this sounds, that the world cares about them. The world does not care about my kids. The world cares about itself.

My job is teach my kids to ask themselves “What can I contribute to the world?” Rather than “What can I take from it?” So many takers. I want to raise givers. If you want to see the number of takers in the world just look at the popularity of Bernie Sanders. His whole campaign is being boosted by a bunch of takers. (Yes, I just went there).

Imagine if we all raised kids who grew up asking what they could contribute to the situation, to each other, and to the world? Imagine if we taught kids that there are winners and losers? Imagine if we taught kids the value of hard work and dedication? Imagine if we taught kids that not everyone deserves a trophy just for showing up.

October Parent Newsletter:

For Parents on the Go:
1.      Dixie Classic Fair, Wednesday October 7^th from 4:30 pm-10:15 pm. Admission to the fair is free with a donation of 5 cans of Lowes Food Product. We will be eating, riding rides and attending a Christian concert. The 5 cans get you into the fair and concert but your teenager will need money if they want to eat or ride rides.

2.      Kersee Valley Corn Maize, Saturday October 10^th from 10:00 am-3:00 pm. Cost for the maize is $12 plus money for lunch on the way home.

3.      Fields of Faith, Wednesday October 14^th from 6:30 pm-9:00 pm. This is a student led event at West Stokes High School where high school students worship Jesus and hear testimonies of how God has transformed the lives of other students.

4.      Fall Festival & Trunk or Treat, Saturday, October 31^st 5:30 pm-8:30 pm. I will need students to help me set up, take down and run carnival games in the Family Life Center.

Dear Parents,

School and activities are in full swing. Julia, Piper and I have enjoyed attending several of your son or daughters sporting events at their school and we look forward to attending many more. (If you would please have your son or daughter bring a schedule of their events on Sunday morning we will try and attend). As many of you know I love sports as I’m sure most of you do as well. If you don’t love sports, I bet you enjoy watching your son or daughter compete and do well in sports. Have you ever wondered how God views sports? Below is an answer to how I believe God views sports.

A Common Grace

Though we usually credit humans for creating sports, God ultimately created sports as a common grace—described by Wayne Grudem as “the grace of God by which he gives people innumerable blessings that are not part of salvation.” We don’t believe God set the world in motion and then stepped away to let humans do their thing, nor do we believe He elevates the spiritual and separates it from the material. Through Scripture, we know that God, out of love, established and maintains a world that we are to enjoy and cultivate—for His glory. He gives us every good and perfect gift (James 1:17)—often through human ingenuity—including sports.

So, first and foremost, we have to stop seeing sports as purely a human creation, outside the rule and reign of the sovereign Creator. And, as a result, we have to stop feeling apologetic for caring about—and sometimes even spending time and money on—sports, as if it were all futile. God gives sports to Christians and non-Christians alike as a free gift to embrace and enjoy, and for that reason, they’re intrinsically sacred and meaningful.

The Imago Dei

As beings created in His image, God gives many men and women the physical, intellectual and emotional capabilities to play sports. Sure, animals are smart and physically adept, but they can’t do sports in the same sense that humans can. The imago dei doesn’t just distinguish humans spiritually but in other capacities, as well, specifically those required for sports.

When we watch and play sports, we see the image and glory of God reflected in all the extraordinary aspects and feats. Whether it’s in a sophisticated basketball offense or the unique throws of a pitcher in baseball or softball, the imago dei comes on full display, and the great and glorious nature of our God is showcased for the world to see.

Growth and Formation

There’s a reason we have so many sports cliches, like “There’s no ‘I’ in team”: Sports provide unique training grounds for growth and maturity. As we interact with sports, especially as our children participate, we’re given opportunities to practice selflessness, giving up our preferences and pride for a bigger purpose. We’re also given opportunities to learn self-discipline and perseverance.

Even as mere spectators, we can benefit from observing athletes. As we recognize the hard work and drive of others, we can look inwardly to consider where we lack self-discipline, where we are putting ourselves before others, hurting the health of our families, churches, workplaces and communities. This is why, in 1 Corinthians 9, Paul likens the self-discipline of sports to that required of believers in their faith.

Sports also function as what James K. A. Smith calls “cultural liturgies,” artifacts and rituals that shape us and instill in us a true, good and beautiful vision of human flourishing. For many of us, sports can stir up a greater delight in the Lord; as a common grace stewarded responsibly, they can form us more into the likeness of Christ.

Signposts and Shadows

All of God’s creation reflects His glory, and this includes sports; they function as signposts and shadows of greater realities. For example, the fandom of sports points to the innate desire in every human to be part of something bigger than ourselves—a bigger story, a bigger purpose, a bigger community. In the many moments of awe and excitement that we experience when watching sports, fandom also offers a foretaste of the sort of worship we were created for, the sort of worship we will fully experience in the new heaven and new earth.

But probably the most overt of these signposts is the concept of a team and all that it mirrors. NBA hall-of-famer Isiah Thomas once said that “the secret to basketball is that it’s not about basketball.” He was pointing to the fact that the greatest sports teams succeed when the athletes put their egos and differences aside for the greater good of the team, working collectively toward the same end. When we see a team doing this well, in any sport, it paints a compelling picture of community and the Church and, even more, the greater community of the triune God, allowing us to see His beauty and character in a whole new light.

Worship, Sin and Eternity

Of course, like any cultural artifact or activity, sports are affected by the presence of evil in the world. They are corrupted and tainted by sin, from the human ego to the greedy corporations that monetize them. It’s also easy to make sports a god, putting our hopes in them, trying to fill a void.

Nevertheless, we can’t let the reality of sin warp our view of sports. We need to be careful, for sure, always using discernment, always aware of our tendency to drift away from the gospel and to make things other than God ultimate in our lives. But we can’t forget that, in the end, sin doesn’t win. One day, we will live in a kingdom void of sin and corruption—everything that robs sports of all they might be. And it is our role now to usher in and live in this kingdom, making it on earth as it is in heaven—and that includes the way in which we see and interact with sports.

Reaching, Teaching & Releasing,

Pastor T