Ditch the Kleenex and Let People Cry:

I used to keep a box of kleenex in my office so people had something to stop their tears.

I’m a pastor, so that means people tell me stuff. Once people feel safe enough, they open up about the pain, sin, wounds, and mess in their lives… and the tears come. I used to think the loving thing to do was to hand out kleenex to help wipe away the salty wet. I saw other people do this, so I figured I should to do this. The person who passes the kleenex appears so sensitive, so caring.

Now I think differently. I no longer hand out kleenex. I’ve come to the conclusion that the more appropriate and loving thing to do is to simply let people cry and to do nothing to assist the cleaning up or management of people’s tears.

I’m not against kleenex. But I think kleenex may communicate our discomfort with real people and their real pain, our quickness to clean up wet faces and messy lives. The kleenex might be for you more than it is for the weeping person in your presence—the tissue is there to stop your own discomfort with people’s tragedies and your inability to fix it.

I’ve noticed that when you stop handing out kleenex, more comes out. More tears. More mess. More honesty. More stories. More prayers. More fertile ground for the Spirit of God to work.

I recommend you try this. Ditch the kleenex. Next time someone opens up and cries in your presence, just sit there, listen, and watch what happens. I’m sure good intentions drive the passing of the kleenex, but I’m less sure it’s helpful.

Do you want to be the person who stops people’s tears prematurely? Or do you want to be the person who receives the full weight of people’s tears? I’m not giving you a rule, just a suggestion. An experiment to try. Ditch the kleenex and let people cry.

Tough Questions: Should We Pray For Healing?:

“Then Abraham prayed to God and God healed Abimelech, and also healed his wife and female slaves, so that they bore children.” (Genesis 20:17)

Now, the context behind Genesis 20 is really, really important because this is when Abraham actually deceived Abimelech concerning his wife, Sarah, saying that she was his sister. Abimelech took Sarah and God said, “Wait a minute. Don’t do anything with Sarah. This is this man’s wife.” Abimelech says, “Why did you lie to me?” So, there’s a whole story here and part of why Genesis 20:17 talks about healing is because, well, Verse 18 says, “The Lord had closed all the wombs of the house of Abimelech because of Sarah, Abraham’s wife.”

But when it comes down to it, just on a base level, so all that context, this is a very unique circumstance, at the same time, don’t miss just the basic truth here that we see all over the Bible. Abraham prayed to God and God healed Abimelech and his wife and those in his household.

We pray to the God who is sovereign over the health of everyone. It is entirely right to pray in faith for healing. May God help us to pray in faith trusting that He knows what is best.

When we pray, we are praying to the God who is sovereign over the health of everyone of our lives and everyone we’re praying to, and it’s entirely right to pray for healing. Again, so the context is very different, but we see this all throughout Scripture. We see people who are sick seeking God for healing. We see people interceding for others, praying for God to heal others. We see encouragement, even commands, in the church when someone is sick to call the elders of the church to pray over them for healing, knowing that God answers those prayers in different ways at different times. We don’t just mechanically know, okay, if I just pray healing or if I pray this many times, it’s going to automatically happen the way I’m praying.

There’s so much Gospel perversion when it comes to health and wealth teaching. If you trust God enough, if you do certain things, then you are guaranteed to be made healthy, and if you’re not healthy, it means you don’t have enough faith in your praying. No. No, no, no. That is not what the bible teachers. At the same time, the bible does teach pray to the God who is sovereign over our health and ask for healing. That’s good and right to do. We are praying to the God who is able to totally take away sickness, to totally take away disease, pain, whatever it might be.

PRAYER:

So, God teach us to pray for healing rightly with total faith in you. God, help us to pray. Sometimes I think about when I pray for healing, in the back of my mind, I’m just wondering if it’s actually going to happen. I’m praying for somebody and, oh, God, I hate to even admit it, but sometimes I’m praying, and I just think, I don’t think this person is going to be healed. God, forgive me. Forgive me for a lack of faith in that way. Lord, help me. Help us as we pray for healing to trust you, to trust your power. You’re sovereign over health. You can take away cancer in an instant. You can remove a tumor in an instant. You can take away pain in an instant. You have power to do that. You choose to do that in many different times, in many different ways and we praise you for that. So, God, help us to pray with faith that believes you are able to do that, and you may do that.

At the same time, God, help us to pray for healing with trust in your plan, in your purposes, in your wisdom that you may not heal in the way we choose. It’s not because you don’t have power to do it. It’s because, well, in your infinite wisdom, in your sovereign purposes, you are working all things together. We trust for the good of your people and the glory of your name, so we will trust in you as we pray for healing. If you don’t answer in the way we long for, God, we will keep our trust in you. We will trust you all the more. I just think about 2 Corinthians 12, as Paul was praying for this removal of this thorn in his flesh. You said multiple times, as he kept praying, you said, “My grace is sufficient. My power will be made perfect in your weakness.” So, we pray for that power to be made perfect in weakness when you choose not to heal. So, God, help us to pray for healing in our lives, for other’s lives in right ways according to your word. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

Tough Question: Are Black People Cursed?

Tough Question: Are Black People Cursed?

No, black people are not cursed. Let me say it louder for people in the back: NO BLACK PEOPLE ARE NOT CURSED!

Black people are created in the image and likeness of God just as much as every other ethnicity of humanity. The idea that black people are cursed by God and divinely meant to be subservient to other races is often called the “curse of Ham,” based on an incident recorded in Genesis chapter 9. Other allegations go further back, to Genesis 4, saying that the “mark of Cain,” which accompanied a curse upon Cain, was that Cain’s skin was turned black. The problem is, neither of these passages says anything at all about race or skin color. Those who say that black people are cursed by God have no biblical basis for their claims.

In Genesis 9, Ham sees his father lying drunk and naked in his tent (Genesis 9:20–22). Ham tells his brothers of their father’s condition, and the brothers avert their eyes and respectfully cover their father (Genesis 9:23). When Noah came to, he discovered what had happened and leveled a curse on Canaan, one of Ham’s sons:

“Cursed be Canaan!

The lowest of slaves

will he be to his brothers” (Genesis 9:25).

The descendants of Ham, according to the Bible, included the Assyrians, Canaanites, Egyptians, and Ethiopians (Genesis 10:6–20). Those who adhere to the theory that black or dark-skinned people are cursed have pointed the fact that Ham’s descendants include Africans; they also say Ham’s name, which means “hot” in Hebrew, is evidence that the dark-skinned people of the world, who mostly come from warmer climates, are all Ham’s children and therefore part of the curse of Ham. Early Christian theologians sometimes used this reasoning in an attempt to explain (not necessarily endorse) why some people were routinely enslaved.

Invoking the “curse of Ham” was a tactic developed during the rise of the Atlantic slave trade in an effort to justify forced, racial-based slavery. Talk of the “curse of Ham” was especially prevalent in the United States in the lead-up to the Civil War. Both before and after that era, however, Christian scholars noted that the practice of race-based slavery was explicitly unbiblical. Racism (Galatians 3:28; Revelation 7:9), man-stealing (Exodus 21:16), and abusive servitude (Exodus 21:20) are all forbidden in the Bible.

The first point of rebuttal against the idea that Genesis 9 teaches that black people are under a curse has already been mentioned: nowhere is race or skin color mentioned in that chapter. Second, Noah’s curse is specifically levied against Canaan, not Ham; so, in literal terms, there is no such thing as a “curse of Ham” in the Bible. Canaan, not Ham, was predicted to become a slave to his brothers. Many of Ham’s descendants were never slaves; for example, the Egyptians, children of Ham, spent most of their history in a position superior to that of Israel, children of Shem. Third, the Hebrew terms used in Genesis 9:25–27 are often found in contexts suggesting inferiority but not forced labor, per se. The same word translated “slave” in Genesis 9:25 is used of Esau in relation to Jacob (Genesis 27:37–40), of Joab in relation to King David (2 Samuel 14:22), and of Abraham in relation to the Lord (Genesis 18:3). In none of these cases does the word carry an implication that literal slaves were involved.

The fulfillment of Noah’s curse on Canaan occurred centuries later when the Israelites (from the line of Shem) entered the land of Canaan and subdued the inhabitants of that land (1 Kings 9:20–21).

To rebut the theory that Genesis 4 teaches that black or dark-skinned people are cursed or deserving of discrimination, we note the wording of God’s rebuke of Cain: “Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground” (Genesis 4:11), and “The Lord put a mark on Cain” (verse 15). The Hebrew word translated “mark” is 'owth, and nowhere in the Bible is 'owth ever used to refer to skin color. The curse on Cain was on Cain himself; nothing is said of Cain’s curse continuing to his descendants. Besides, the “mark of Cain” was meant to protect Cain (verse 15) and should be considered a mitigation of the curse, not the curse itself. There is absolutely no biblical basis for the idea that Cain’s descendants had dark skin. Further, unless one of Noah’s sons’ wives was a descendant of Cain (possible but unlikely), Cain’s line ended with the flood.

In short, the claim that dark-skinned or black people are “cursed” by God comes from a worldly, anti-biblical attempt to justify racism. There is no such thing as a “curse of Ham,” and there is no justification for race-based slavery. What sets the races against each other is the sinful nature of human beings.

Tough Question: Should Children Be Sitting Through Worship In 'Big Church?'

Tough Question: Should Children Be Sitting Through Worship In 'Big Church'? 

I believe that years of segregating children from worship in the greater worshiping community has failed. I think it’s time we were more passionate about having children in church.

• Children need to feel like they are a part of the church community
• Children who don’t feel like a part of the church community will leave church when they’re older
• Children should not be removed from the main body for convenience sake
• Children are a part of the Body of Christ
• Children need godly examples of how to worship

EXPERIENCE IS MUCH GREATER THAN A SERMON

Child or adult, young or older, the sermon is only one small part of the greater experience. Singing the songs. Praying corporately as a whole church. Hearing the words of God read and watching other’s interest in them. Serving. Giving of our tithes and offerings. Celebrating. Fellowshiping. Communing with God and with each other. Not understanding the sermon in no way negates the rest of the experience.

One mom shared with me that the reason her kids don’t often go to kids’ church is because more often she wants to them to experience the corporate worship time, to be a part of the worship music/hymns that replicates the services that she grew up in and that have been part of their family’s heritage.

For this mom, it’s not about her children understanding each word of the sermon. It about the total package; the experience of being in church, surrounded by the things that have been formational for generations and by the people who make up the body of Christ.

IT WOULD BE NAIVE TO THINK THAT THIS IS A SIMPLE OR EASY TASK. 

Kids are… well, kids, sometimes noisy or distracting. Parents should be prepared for the occasional acting out and their not tracking with the follow-up after the service to reinforce what was taught. And parents are often tired.

BUT I FIRMLY BELIEVE THESE FRUSTRATIONS OF THE MOMENT ARE FAR LESS PAINFUL THAN THE ALTERNATIVE – A GENERATION WHO IS UNKNOWN, DISENGAGED, AND SEPARATED FROM THE LARGER BODY OF CHRIST. 

The art of listening to a sermon is not something easily obtained because of our social media-driven culture. There’s virtually nowhere else kids will learn this skill. Someone introduced to a worship service as a teen will have a much more difficult time learning how to listen to sermons than one who’s been raised to slowly appreciate the intricacies of this unique (and biblical) form of communication. Sitting in the worship service teaches them how to worship by listening to God’s Word—an invaluable skill for any Christian.

And much of what is included in that package is not comprehended through the mind, but through the heart. A sense of belonging, a place in community, being an important part of a body. All of that can be experienced, regardless of age.

If we believe that the message of the gospel and of Jesus Christ is worthwhile, then rejuvenating the life of the younger Christian community is highly important.

THE GREATEST STUMBLING BLOCK IN WORSHIP

These arguments for bringing children to worship, of course, will only carry weight with parents who really love to meet God in worship and really want their kids to get that and grow up breathing that air.

John Piper states, “The greatest stumbling block for children in worship is parents who don’t cherish doing that time of worship. They don’t love it. Children can feel the difference between duty and delight.”

“What would be the impact if, for twelve years, the children saw dad praying during the prelude to worship? Or if they saw mom beaming with joy in singing the praises of God? Just think of it. Millions and millions of children never see their parents sing, let alone sing songs with joy to a great God.”

Why wouldn’t parents be jealous to model for their children the tremendous value that they experience joyful fellowship in the presence of almighty God?

Even amid doodling, truth can be absorbed. And true even if they say they are bored.

At the core of Jesus’s Great Commission to his disciples (Matt. 28:18–20) is the call to make disciples of all nations. The “all” includes the very people within our own families, and the commission is not restricted to age. And making disciples is never an abbreviated event.

Even if our kids don’t understand everything at first in the readings, singing, and preaching – make no mistake about it, they won’t – they will at least understand the people who love them and stand beside them.

Living life this close gives us a prime opportunity to incorporate in our conversation what they don’t grasp. Children hear and process way more than we could ever realize. I was surprised at what our 4-year-olds asked when we’d assumed they were off somewhere else!

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30

You Are Who God Says You Are:

While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. (Luke 15:20)

He sat alone with pigs.

Not long ago, he dressed in fine clothing, drank the finest wine, and laughed with what he called his friends. He smiled at women who smiled back, before he learned that friends could be bought and love could be rented. When the money was gone, so were they. When he needed them, they gave him nothing (Luke 15:16). Now, he sat covered in mud.

If you would have joked that he, a Jew, would be working as a pig-feeder, he would have said he preferred death first. But here he was, envious of what the unclean swine ate. He wondered how much longer he could take it. He missed home.

He grimaced. How shamefully he had treated his father. He asked for his inheritance before his father died — slapping him in pursuit of his pleasures. As he saw his father’s house disappear upon the horizon, he had smiled. He thought he was heading into freedom, into joy, into pleasure. Now, he lived to feed pigs. He reasoned, “How many of my father’s hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger!” (Luke 15:17).

A Son Appears on the Horizon

There it was, just as he had left it. He rehearses his lines in his mind, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants” (Luke 15:18–19). But as doubts begin to cloud his mind, a figure appears from the house. There his father is, just as he had left him.

But something happens that he doesn’t expect: his father begins to run to him. Had he ever seen his father run? He always composed himself with such dignity, but here he is, an elderly Jewish man, running to him. Is he coming to chase me away?

The wayward son braces himself for a slap but receives an embrace. He expects banishment but is met with kisses. His mumbling apology and thoughts of unworthiness are swallowed up by the love of a Father who will not call his starving son a servant. A ring is placed on his finger; the best robe is placed upon his back. Sandals adorn his dirty feet. The fattened calf is slaughtered, and the celebration begins. The son who was dead, has come alive again; he was lost, and is found (Luke 15:24).

A Son Died on the Horizon

You may wonder, given all your past and remaining sin, Who am I that the highest King would welcome me? You recite your unworthiness to yourself, you sit in the pigsty of an old sin, and not only wonder how you got there, but how your King can receive you. The answer is not found in your inherent worthwhileness, nor in God’s neediness for you. You are celebrated, crowned, kissed, and loved because your true elder brother, the one who does not moan when you are welcomed home, went into the city after you and paid off your debts with his own life. He suffered for our sin, and purchased our acceptance.

The ring you wear is his. The best robe that now covers you is his. His sandals, which John the Baptist was unworthy to untie, now rest upon your feet. God isn’t so cheaply sentimental as to forget all your crimes, but he is so loving as to sacrifice himself for all of them.

I Am a Child of God

If you have been reborn, if you are repenting of your sin and believing the gospel, you are a child of God. And this status comes with authority: “To all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave authority to become children of God, who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God” (John 1:12–13).

You may not feel particularly childlike, you may not be enjoying his word every morning, but do not let the Liar convince you that you are not a child of the King. The question can never be, “Who are you to go to God in prayer?” The question now is, “Who are you to stay away when the King has invited you?”

You are chosen, not forsaken. You are free, not a slave. He is for you, not against you. You are his child, not an orphan. That is who you are. Because that is who he says you are. And that is who he died for you to become.

He loves you. He embraces you. He crowns you. Never settle for living in the mud, feeding pigs.

What Does It Look Like To Commit To A Local Church:

What Does It Look Like To Commit To A Local Church?

(1). YOU JOIN:
You officially join the church so that the pastors and others there know that you’re part of the team.

(2). YOU MAKE THE LOCAL CHURCH A PRIORITY:
You build your life around your priorities, so that other things take a back seat. Commit: Sunday morning in church. Wednesday night in church.

(3). YOU PRAY FOR YOUR PASTORS AND LEADERS:
Hebrews 13:17, “Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.” Pray for us.

(4). YOU FIND WAYS TO SERVE:
Serving is the fastest way to feel a sense of ownership in your church. It’s also the best way to build relationships.” Don’t wait to be asked to serve. Look for ways to serve.

(5). YOU GIVE:
“Because the local church is where you are nourished spiritually, it should be the first place you invest financially” (p. 74). 10% of income. Pass the plates, on-line giving, bill pay.

(6). YOU CONNECT WITH PEOPLE:
Being married is a relationship. Being married to the church means getting to know some of the members on a level that you cannot do just in passing on Sunday mornings. Sunday School class.

(7). YOU SHARE YOUR PASSION:
When you’re in love with the church, you can’t keep it to yourself. You want others to experience the same joy.

When you see that the church is God’s kingdom, His household, and His temple where He dwells, it should motivate you to fall in love and get married. Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. So should you!

What The Church Can Learn From Chick-fil-A:

Nearly every time I go to Chick-fil-A, it makes me want to be a better pastor.

As I enjoy my chicken sandwich, I'm always impressed by something. The way they conduct their business and serve their customers fascinates me. The culture they have created is unlike anything I have ever experienced in any other fast food restaurant.

Maybe that's why their parking lot is typically full and the drive-thru is stacked two wide. I never see that at other restaurants. Sure, other restaurants may be busy occasionally, but it's a daily occurrence at our local Chick-fil-A. The amazing thing is that I see the same thing at nearly every Chick-fil-A.

I wish that my church were a bit more like Chick-fil-A. Don't get me wrong, I pastor a great church. Still, I am convinced that there are some things we can learn from the chicken company that made the cow famous.

1. Develop a culture of serving others.

Everyone's job at Chick-fil-A is to serve. Regardless of their title or job description, you will likely hear more than one person say, "My pleasure" in serving you.

2. Call people by name.

When I go through the drive-thru, they always ask my name as they take my order. By the time I make it to the window, someone else hands me my food and calls me by name. I know they are just reading it off a screen, but still that personal touch means something.

3. Develop systems to be efficient.

Think about it. The busiest fast-food restaurant in our community has the best customer service. How is that possible? They have developed systems to handle the crowds of people. They expect a large crowd each day and they plan for it.

4. Give back to the community.

Founder Truett Cathy always said that he wasn't in the chicken business, but the people business. Chick-fil-A treats their customers like friends and serves their communities like neighbors.

5. Be creative.

In 1995 a cow was seen painting three words on a billboard in Texas -- "Eat Mor Chikin." A star was born. Now, people dress up like a cow once a year for a free sandwich!

6. Strive for excellence.

According to the Chick-fil-A website, that capital A on the end of the name is deliberate. It stands for "grade A, top quality." They seem to work hard to live up to their name.

7. Honor the Lord.

Every Sunday this popular national chain closes its doors and their restaurants sit still. They give every employee an opportunity to rest and worship if they so choose.

To be sure, there is a difference between the body of Christ and a chicken restaurant. We have a much higher calling. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is at the heart of all that we do as a church. So as we go about the task of making disciples, let's be sure we are intentional in our efforts.

Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men." The task that God has given us is too important to do it halfheartedly. In whatever ways you go about sharing the Gospel in your community, do it enthusiastically.

I hope that your church and mine will be a little more like Chick-fil-A. Let's strive to be the place in our community where people who are hungry for God feel welcome and wanted.

How Evangelism Is Like Fishing:

Simon, his brother, and their business partners were fisherman whom Jesus called to a very different kind of fishing. “Follow me,” he told them. “From now on you will be catching men.” They were caught by Jesus so they could catch others. And in much the same way, we have been caught by Jesus so we can catch others for Jesus. We ought to see this as a tremendous privilege. Not just that we have been caught—we know that’s a great blessing—but that we get to join Jesus in catching others. We follow him so we can join him in his work. The great work God is accomplishing in this world is catching people for himself. He’s saving them by his grace and for his glory. What’s amazing is that he uses people like you and me to help accomplish that. He saves people through the good news of the gospel and he tells you and me to speak out that news. He calls us to be fishers of men, to catch people alive.

How can we do that? That’s where we can learn from the fishing metaphor Jesus uses in Luke 5 verses 1-11. In fact, I think we’re supposed to learn from the fishing metaphor, to think diligently about what it means and about how evangelism is like fishing. Just think about this: Jesus gets on a fishing boat with a fisher man to do a fish miracle all leading toward a fishing metaphor. He clearly wanted Simon to think about this word picture, and to live it out. He wants us to think about it. So let’s draw a few comparisons that, I trust, are legitimate without being trite. In what ways is evangelism kind of like fishing?

First, fishing requires going. This is simple, obvious, but still overlooked. A fisherman needs to go out into the water where the fish are. And once a fisherman has gone out into the water, he needs to let down his nets. Just sitting in his boat bobbing on the waves won’t do it. He needs to cast his net into the water. And in that way, we need to go to where the people are we need to tell them about Jesus. We need to go and we need to let out the net of the gospel.

Second, fishing requires expertise. A skilled fisherman learns about fish so he can use the right nets, or the right bait, or go out fishing at the right time of day. You and I need to consider the best and most effective ways to reach the people around us. I think sometimes our evangelism is like fishing for tuna in a trout pond. We aren’t going about it in effective ways. Sharing the gospel is about more than just learning and reciting a generic gospel presentation. It’s about knowing people and loving people—about loving them enough to get to know them.  The better we know people, the better we can show them how the gospel addresses their deepest needs. We can listen to them carefully, then address their particular questions, concerns, griefs, and misconceptions.

Third, fishing requires diligence. A fisherman won’t be successful if he just fishes when he feels like it or when just the right opportunity comes along. He needs diligence. He needs to structure his days around his task. And in the same way, we need diligence in sharing the gospel. It’s not enough to just hope that opportunities to come along. We need to plan how we will create and embrace opportunities to tell others about Jesus.

Fourth, fishing depends upon providence. Most fishermen call this element luck, but it’s better to stick with providence. At the end of the day, the fisherman makes his plans, and goes out, and casts his nets, and uses every bit of expertise he’s got, yet he knows that what happens next is beyond him. Sometimes he will make a huge catch and sometimes he’ll catch nothing. God uses us to share the gospel, but he’s the one who must bring conviction of sin and repentance and salvation. Our task in evangelism is to be thoughtful and creative and prayerful and obedient in sharing the gospel and then to leave the results to him.

Fifth, fishing requires confidence. It’s really hard to get enthusiastic about fishing when you believe there are no fish in the lake. That’s where Simon was at, right? He was convinced there was nothing to catch. But God knew there was a tremendous haul awaiting him. And I wonder if we can think that way when we share the gospel. We hesitate because we are convinced that God is not really going to do anything. Really, we hesitate because we aren’t convinced that it’s actually God’s joy and delight to save the lost. Our hesitation is based on a total misunderstanding—a blasphemous misunderstanding—of God’s character. We’ve got to believe that God loves to save the lost and that he hasn’t yet caught all those who are his. Simon was convinced of scarcity—”There are no fish in this lake!”—but God wanted to show him abundance—”There are so many fish in this lake!” We need to approach evangelism with optimism rather than skepticism, with faith in the character and promises of God.

Do you see it? In these ways, and probably many more, evangelism is like fishing…

9 Ways To Establish Sexual Norms For Your Children Before The World Does:

As a parent, you are in a race against the culture to establish what is “normal” in the area of sexual behaviors and attitudes. The sexual revolution has lowered the age at which children are exposed to sexual activity. Young children are shown homosexual marriages through children’s television shows. Kindergarten classes celebrate reveal parties for transgendered 5-year-olds. Parents cannot afford to wait. If the culture establishes a secular sexual ethic early on, then a biblical sexual ethic will seem odd and out of place. However, the converse is also true.

How can parents win this race? Below are nine practical ways parents can teach their children God’s design for sex and sexuality.

1. Celebrate God’s good design early and often

Parents should teach about sexuality in an appropriate manner for each stage of childhood. As soon as children begin learning about the body, parents should begin teaching why God made each body part. This creates an open dialogue about their growing and changing bodies. As you do this, be sure to use literal instead of abstract language. Call body parts what they are, and avoid terms like “the birds and the bees.” Also remember that one “talk” is not sufficient. Keep a running dialogue for as long as they are in your home.

2. Seize every opportunity

Certain situations contribute toward serious discussions about sexuality. Tucking children into bed is a great opportunity to read books that teach God’s purposes for our bodies (e.g. Justin and Lindsey Holcomb’s God Made All of Me.) Driving with kids in the car provides parents a captive audience for posing thought-provoking questions. When you read a fairytale about the prince and princess getting married, ask children what they think marriage means and why God designed it. When you see an image of a person dressed immodestly in a commercial, begin a conversation about modesty and God’s good design for our bodies. Be on the lookout for opportunities to ask questions and spark conversations.

3. Create an “ask anything” culture

For some, sex or sexuality feels like a taboo topic. This is a result of the fall (Gen. 3) when Adam and Eve covered themselves in shame. Fight the tendency to ignore difficult topics and questions. Creating an “ask anything” environment when children are young will foster an open dialogue into the teenage years. Do we really want pre-teens googling terms they hear because they’re embarrassed to ask their parents? Even young children who can’t type know how to use voice assistants for internet searches. An open and “ask anything” environment helps prevent your children from turning to dangerous sources for answers.

4. Keep God’s plan at the center

Many parents give their children a list of “do’s and don’t’s” instead of focusing on God’s plan and purpose in creating us male and female. Teach your children how sex and procreation reflect God’s image in us. Teach how the complementary roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives reflect the complementarian nature of the Trinity. Without God as the centerpiece of the conversation, our children won’t grasp the reasons why homosexuality, premarital sex, pornography, and every other distortion of biblical sexuality are outside of God’s plan for our good and his glory.

5. Focus on the truth, so the lie is easily discernible

It can be overwhelming for parents to address all the different aspects of sex, sexuality, gender, and marriage. We can’t keep up with the rapidly changing sexual culture to which our kids are exposed. But we can follow the example of Jesus in Matthew 19. Jesus didn’t address every distortion of the truth; he simply taught the truth. He established the boundaries of God’s plan, so that we would be able to recognize that everything outside of that boundary is outside of God’s plan.

6. Teach children to embrace every person, without embracing every lifestyle

Once again, we should follow the example of Jesus, who loved sinners without affirming their sin. If children are able to recognize God’s love for them in their own sin, they can understand how to love someone who struggles with different sins than they do. Be an example, by the kindness you show to the transgendered grocery clerk or the homosexual couple you meet, followed by a teaching conversation with your child.

7. Protect children from themselves

Part of our responsibility as parents is to protect our children from themselves. The internet access in our homes and the screens our children view are our responsibility to manage. Establish clear guidelines for usage. Some possible guidelines include forbidding screens in bedrooms, shutting wifi off at 9 p.m., sharing usernames and passwords, allowing parents to read text messages, etc. This is not an invasion of privacy; this is good parenting.

8. Lead by example

If we set internet usage rules for our children, we should be willing to abide by those rules ourselves. In doing so, we’ll be modeling obedience as well as protecting ourselves. It’s hypocritical to guard our child from the dangers of pornography while exposing ourselves to the same temptation. Another way to set a good example of celebrating God’s design in sexuality is to show appropriate measures of affection to your spouse. Let’s let our children see a demonstration of God’s good plan.

9. Rely on grace

If you feel as though you are losing the race against culture, do not despair. Grace is abundantly available for the parent who has neglected his or her duty. Grace is also abundantly available for the child who has already stumbled in this area. Grace wins where we have lost.

God has entrusted us to parent these precious children. We can’t allow our fallen world to teach them what is "normal." Let’s set our eyes on Jesus and run the race with urgency and endurance.

Original Article from ERLC: https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/9-ways-to-establish-sexual-norms-for-your-children-before-the-world-does

3 Characteristics of the Church:

It is hard to believe that three little words can change the landscape of a company forever.

In 1988, with the help of advertising agency Wieden + Kennedy, Nike introduced their now-famous slogan: “Just Do It.”  From your neighborhood basketball court to the most popular stars in every sport, “Just Do it” reigns king for those who look to take their athletic greatness to the next level.

We interpret everything we experience through slogans like “Just Do It."

In the New Testament, one teaching that was pronounced repeatedly – but that is almost invisible today—is the teaching of the local church.  If the measure of a successful church according to the Bible is simply the programs, attendance, and building size, then we could say, like Nike, our efforts and advertising have achieved our goals.

However, we have missed the mark on this issue, because we define the church and its success not by corporate identity (“The Body of Christ”), but rather by individual preferences (“My church does this.  What does yours do?”).

Shouldn’t the questions of “Why does the church exist?" and  "What is it there for?” be easily answered by pastors and members alike? The answer so often, though, is what the church does for us rather than what it is before God.

The church doesn’t exist to do things for us. Rather, it exists because of what it does for God and His gloriously-purchased Bride through the gospel of His Son, Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 3:11). According to Scripture, the church is the demonstration of the living, triune God in this fallen world for His glory. The local church is the voice of Jesus and an outpost of God’s kingdom.

What are the characteristics of the church, both locally and universally? Here 3 simple characteristics from the book of 1 Corinthians.

1. Holiness

"To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours." (1 Corinthians 1:2)

"Who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 1:8)

"If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire. Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple." (1 Corinthians 3:15-17)

"Nevertheless, with most of them God was not pleased, for they were overthrown in the wilderness6 Now these things took place as examples for us, that we might not desire evil as they did." (1 Corinthians 10:5-6)

This sounds simplistic. But holiness is strange to individual believers and to the church at large. Holiness is not strange because we cannot become holy this side of heaven, but because we become something we are not.

The heart of holiness is that God’s people—those truly saved members of the church—are special to Him. This is, perhaps, why Paul uses chapter five to teach on church discipline and chapter six to teach on how our bodies are God’s temple.

God cares what is done in this life to the body.  This is why He calls us to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:14-16).  Without any hesitation, Paul makes clear that all facets of corporate, not individualistic, church life are important because of the holiness of God and His people.

2. Unity

"I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment." (1 Corinthians 1:10)

"For you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?" (1 Corinthians 3:3)

"To have lawsuits at all with one another is already a defeat for you. Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?" (1 Corinthians 6:7)

Ironically, the church of Corinth's strive for holiness that was to set them apart from the world actually served to separate them from each other. The church was a mess! They even sued—or attempted to sue—each other in open court.

Even in the Lord’s Supper, they were divided!

"For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that there are divisions among you. And I believe it in part." (1 Corinthians 11:18)

In Paul’s day, the world couldn’t understand how or why Jews and Gentiles could come together.  he only reason they came together was because the gospel unified them. If we are to be a true local church, our unity must focus on the essentials of the Christian faith, not just a shared interest or moral values.

3. Love

"Now concerning food offered to idols: we know that “all of us possess knowledge.” This “knowledge” puffs up, but love builds up." (1 Corinthians 8:1)

"Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor." (1 Corinthians 10:24)

"Pursue love, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts, especially that you may prophesy." (1 Corinthians 14:1)

"Let all that you do be done in love." (1 Corinthians 16:14)

Have you ever noticed that Paul places a priority of prophecy over tongues? Why is that?

Because prophecy builds up the church, while tongues are more focused on one’s self. This goes against the corporate attitude Paul develops in the letter (See 1 Cor. 14:6-12).

When it comes to “love” in 1 Corinthians, we quickly go to chapter 13.  How many wedding ceremonies and sermons are preached on this text? Yet, according to Paul, chapter 14 is just as much about love as chapter 13.

Perhaps Paul was most tender to this truth because he himself was a persecutor of the church.  What a miracle it is that God took one who had been a stark enemy of the church to be its biggest and greatest builder and cherisher!

Are you helping your church grow in holiness, unity, and love by your cherishing of the entire Body, instead of your individual preferences?

PEACE

“For He Himself is our peace…” (2:14). 

Christ not only made peace, but He is our peace. Peace can be found only in one place, in the person of the Lord Jesus Christ, because He alone can deal with our inherent sin problem. When He saves us, we are “created in Christ Jesus” (2:10).

If you are in Christ and I am in Christ, then He Himself becomes the source of peace between us. We have to view any and all conflict through the lens of the person of Christ.

The fact that Christ is our peace does not mean that peace happens automatically, even between sincere, godly believers. The Corinthian church was rife with conflicts and divisions. Two faithful women in the Philippian church had some sort of conflict, which Paul was concerned about (Phil. 4:2-3). Even Paul and Barnabas had a sharp dispute that led them to part ways in their missionary endeavors (Acts 15:36-40). Paul seemed to realize that sometimes peace is not fully attainable when he wrote (Rom. 12:18), “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with all men.” He says (Rom. 14:19), “So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.” The Bible says that we must “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Pet. 3:11).

So even though we are prone toward conflict, even with other believers, the way toward peace is to have Christ reigning as Lord in each heart. To the extent that He is truly Lord of your life and my life, we will experience peace between us, because He does not fight with Himself. One of the marks of true conversion is when those who formerly were deeply hostile towards one another begin to pursue peace with one another. At the source of this new peace is that Christ has come to dwell in each heart, subduing our selfishness and pride.